I cannot get my Dad to go to the doctors. Any advice?

Question

M

Manda1 Asked March 2014

I cannot get my Dad to go to the doctors. Any advice?

I think he has some kind of Alzheimer's or dementia. My Dad is a proud man at the age of 65 he has a tendency of forgetting thing, everyday day things, he is always double or triple checking him self to make sure he has done a certain task, when he goes to the shop it takes him 20 minuets to get ready and he keeps checking his wallet to make sure he has what he needs and because he has spent that long on that particular task he forgot what he was going to the shop for,
When he is going to the bathroom he gets there and forgets what he has gone there for, he is a very confidante person, but lately he does not seem to be able to focus on anything, and has a vacant look, If i say i am coming down to visit he will wait in the window and watch till i get there, he keeps asking my mum when is she coming my mum says later has i gave no time of arrival, mum says he has be stood looking out the window for 3 hours waiting for you and not moved. This is very out of character for my Dad, He had found blood in his urine, he wrote down the time and date, when my mum asked him what it was he said it had happened but because it did not happen again he said he was alright.
I have tried to get my dad to the doctors and has the rest of the family but he will not go, we are all concerned that his health his deteriorating and could be to late for him to be treated if any thing serious, the last time my dad saw a doctor was when he broke his ribs in work 5 years ago, but my dad is so proud he thinks he is ok and he is fine,
Please could you help me or advise me on how i can get my Dad to see a GP.

Amanda C.

Relationships

12 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

Recent Questions

Related Questions

score 0 · Answer 1

He could also have a UTI, which in dementia patients can cause personality changes. Call the doctor & get a. Sample & take to the lab.
I have the same issue with my Mom re the neurologist since she was diagnosed. It's so frustrating because she is getting worse and it's not as if I can tie her up & get her to the doctor. Her TP took over the neurologist's "role," but he doesn't know crap about Alzheimer's, so he is of no help whatsoever. If anything, he makes the situation worse.

Helpful Answer (0)

score 1 · Answer 2

That's not pride...it's called false pride. My dad died because he wouldn't go to the doctors in time. By the time he said OK it was too late. How about docs who come to the house? I know senior options provides such services. My daughter has a foot doctor that comes to the house. I'm older now...and wiser....get ahead of him and check out possibilities. I wish I had thought of that.

Helpful Answer (1)

score 0 · Answer 3

Make an appointment with the doctor for your dad. Nowadays you can get a bladder infection test at the drugstore called AZO Test Strips. Get this and check dad's urine. Tell him he has a bladder infection (even if the test is negative.) The ONLY way to cure this is antibiotics. Take dad to the doctor, even if you have to lie to him to do it. Write a note to the doctor ahead of time explaining dad's symptoms and changes in behavior and ask the doctor to please keep the note a secret from your dad and hand it to the receptionist when you arrive. The doctor will figure out what is going on and order appropriate tests and make referrals as needed. Blood in urine can indicate very serious illnesses. Also a UTI (or any illness) can cause an elderly person to appear to have dementia, but when the UTI is treated the symptoms of dementia may disappear entirely. Let's hope that is the case with your father.

Helpful Answer (0)

score 0 · Answer 4

I too had the same issue with my dad, who will be 91 shortly. he always waited until he had a major problem (urinating, blood in urine)before calling me for help (which ended up usually at 2 or 3 am). But as time goes on, I tell him that things should be taken care of so he doesn't have as much pain or issues. But you cannot force someone to go if they don't want to. And certain doctors do visit a home but only if there is "no way for them physcially" to move out of the house to come to the doctors. So if you go that route, make sure you check with the doctor first, because if they know you can drive them there, they won't come to the house. Good luck............

Helpful Answer (0)

score 0 · Answer 5

UTI can bring dementia. Blood in the urine is too obvious to ignore. Yes, your mother has to convince him. She might do so if they still have a love and affection for each other. I suspect he might be afraid to go because he is afraid to be diagnosed with something serious. You should bring it up that, after UTI treatment, he will regain his normal condition and his dementia might go away completely.

Helpful Answer (0)

score 0 · Answer 6

Amanda,Try not telling him about the appointment. Once in the car he may not be as resistant to going. We have learned not to tell my MIL when she has to go somewhere. This has helped us tremendously to alleviate my mother in laws obsession or refusal to do necessary things for her.
Blood in urine could be MANY things. Talk to his doctor and tell doc your dilemma. You or your mother may be able to obtain a urine speciman, as a start to drop off at his doctors. Use a sterile cup. He could have a kidney stone, kidney disease, prostrate problem, bladder neoplasm, he could have even beets coloring his urine. But in any case it needs to be checked out. Usually a person who does not seek medical attention is having fear or denial, or is making poor decisions which could be a sign of early dementia. I hope you are able to get him to his doctor. The body is an amazing thing which gives us warnings. Tell him his body is like a car. If you take care of something right away which seems wrong, it can prevent major car repairs later!

Helpful Answer (0)

score 3 · Answer 7

Stevensmom's quote (When he said he wasn't going, we said, "We made the appointment because we love you, and you are going because you love us.") is great. My version is "Of course you don't want to go. We're the ones who need you to." (Of course, the idea that the elder might do you this favor requires some basic level of connection and caring between the elder and you. Not everyone has even that, I know. )

Helpful Answer (3)

score 0 · Answer 8

I don't know if this will work for you, but it did for my family. My dad is 78 and hadn't seen a doctor in years. He always waited to see the dentist until his teeth were so bad they had to be pulled, never got a flu shot, etc. and just thought if he waited long enough, things would just "go away."
We knew he just had to go see the doctor so we told him we were making the appointment, wrote it on the calendar, I drove up to his house and met my sister there. We took him to the doctor and found that everything was fine. He had lab work and knee x-rays.

When he said he wasn't going, we said, "We made the appointment because we love you, and you are going because you love us."

Once you get him to his GP, hopefully the dr. will refer him to whatever specialists he needs. It does sound like he needs a very thorough work-up. Best wishes to you and your mom and dad.

Helpful Answer (0)

score 0 · Answer 9

He might have "early onset dementia", and it is possible for him to have dementia at this age or younger. I am 65 yrs. and this behavior does not describe me. See if there is a doctor who makes house calls. I am concerned about the blood in the urine as it could be a number of diseases from a prostate problem, a kidney issue, to a pancreas problem. His stubbornness might lead to his premature death if he is not seen by a professional. Does he have any close friends. Most times, a non-family member has more success in encouraging a senior male in seeing a doctor. If all else fails, if something happens to him call an ambulance and they can take him to the hospital where he will be checked out. It is very hard to convince someone who does not want to see a doctor they need to go. Short of physically forcing that person, you might have to call adult protective services. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Helpful Answer (0)

score 0 · Answer 10

My husband has developed a weakness in his fingers, saw a neurologist and had an EMG done showing a problem in the elbow. He was told to have an MRI to make sure there isn't a tumor or some other problem requiring surgery to be done in the elbow. Also, he was referred for physical therapy, which he is refusing because he says nothing can be done about his problem - also will refuse any surgical recommendation. He usually won't listen to women's suggestions, and we have a male social worker therapist who gets him to "compromise", makes a "contract" with him to do something he has refused to do. So far, this has been working because he likes the social worker and will try to do whatever he suggests.

Helpful Answer (0)

score 0 · Answer 11

Is he now retired? I'm guessing he is, so asking for help from an employer to get him to take an annual exam is probably not an option.

There are doctors and nurse practitioners that come to the house.

I'd almost white lie and say the insurance company requires a check up being that he is now at the age for medicare .

Helpful Answer (0)

score 0 · Answer 12

Very sorry to hear that about your Father.That's a very young age "65" to get Alzheimer's or dementia but,is not uncommon.It may not be either Alzheimer's or dementia at your father's young age.Dizziness and vertigo are among
the most common symptoms of medication imbalance.I agree he needs to see his doctor fast before things get worse.Maybe a simple fix.My Mother inlaw found she had dementia at age 67.She's now 71 and can't live alone.So,dementia works fast and it's nothing to put off for later.There is medication for Dementia and Alzheimer's.From what your discribing sounds like first signs of dementia as short term memory loss.Medication may not make a better memory but,will help prevent becoming worse.
My guess is,your father knows what is going on with his memory loss."He knows".
Most likely he is affraid of the outcome from what the doctor will say or do.No person want's to be told incompatent by a doctor.Preventing seeing a doctor avoids being told incompatent.You need to insure your father he wont be told incompatent if he goes to a doctor about this.But,I'm sure if you say the word incompatent to him that will make matters worse.The best advice I would say to do is,
Tell him you want to take him to his doctor for a normal checkup that's it.All your job is to get him in the doctor's office.Once that happens,write a letter to his doctor stating what you feel is wrong and hand it to his doctor without your father knowing.This way you & his doctor is on the same page.
Best,

Helpful Answer (0)

I cannot get my Dad to go to the doctors. Any advice?

12 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions

Ask a Question