Is that my responsibility? My mom has been commenting about how she can't understand how to do a lot of things she used to, like balance a checkbook. She also realizes her personality is not what it used to be (more irritable, unkind comments, etc.) Should I get her tested and have the professionals break the news, or should I kindly explain what is going on? Knowing full well she won't remember...tough situation.
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I'm a doctor for older people. There is a lot of good advice here on how to help your mother, but first & foremost I would agree with Ferris1 & say you should absolutely get her evaluated, to make sure there isn't something else going on.
Many older people have some dementia AND are being made worse by an untreated problem, so make sure she has a good evaluation for medical problems that make thinking worse. Depression is indeed one of these.
Very interesting that you find her better on Ativan. That's more of a tranquilizer than an anti-depressant, and it often makes older people's thinking worse. (Also increases fall risk.) That said, some older people have worse thinking when they are very anxious...I personally only use drugs like Ativan as a last resort in people like your mother; there are antidepressants like Zoloft & Celexa which can help w anxiety, although they do take weeks to have an effect whereas Ativan soothes people right away. And of course, the ideal thing is to find ways to manage anxiety that don't require drugs at all, such as regular exercise, relaxation therapies, modifying environmental stressors, etc...but all of those require more work than taking a pill.
I would certainly ask your mother's doctor if any of her medications are sedating or "anticholinergic", as all of these can keep people's brains from working as well as possible.
Good luck!
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such a diagnosis could cause family to treat the elder like an idiot even if it were inadvertant.. my mother was more intelligent than ill ever be and thats the way i tried to treat her.
in the case of mom and edna both, we had this conversation at the time they were genuinely seeking answers..
then you admit to being much younger and dam near as burnt out and everybody laughs it off..
A diagnosis, while it should be part of her medical records, really did no good for my father. He got a prescription (which did nothing but cause side effects), but doesn't really understand the ramifications of his situation – he firmly believes that he's able to drive safely, for example.
My mom is still aware that she can't remember things and it bothers her. I just tell her that her brain in like a tape recorder that is all filled up after 87 years of use, and there just isn't room for more information. We laugh about it and change the subject. I reassure her that I am there to remember important things for her and she doesn't need to worry about it. She lives in an assisted living facility, so she doesn't need to worry about cooking or cleaning, or remember to take her pills. I try to reduce her stress as much as I can.
Continue to laugh and joke with her and as Lucyboo said have a talk with her telling her that you are here to take care of her and she does not need to worry. If she does not have a POA yet, MAKE SURE YOU GET ONE FOR FINANCIAL AND MEDICAL IMMEDIATELY! They do not want to do this usually but tell her it is for the future, in case she should become ill, you will be able to help her. Let her know that it must be done now because once she is considered incompetent or with a dementia or Alz diagnosis you normally cannot get one as they are not considered of sound mind. I did not go into all of that with my Mom I just told her it was in case she got sick or worse in the FUTURE I would be able to help her. Also my POA stated that it took effect immediately, I did not need a court ruling as it seems some states do.
You must be very careful with her finances and possibly offer to do them for her. Money is what drove me to get POA for Mom. She was giving it away and I found a man at our front door one day and she had given him money and was signing a paper allowing them to withdraw money from her account monthly! I was shocked and knew I had to act immediately. Elders are very susceptible to fraud at this time of their lives.
My Mom was my best friend and I greatly enjoyed being with her. Her and my father were "do it yourselfers" so we did crafts and fixed things around the house all the time and we even built a huge storage room for my belongings when I moved home. Now she is very very different and not the person I knew. This job is very hard as a care giver and can last for a very long time, I have cared for Mom for 8 years, but also my father, aunt and BIL for a total of 17. If you are planning on caring for her and if she has any fairly large amount of money go to see an Elder Law Attorney for advice NOW on what you need to do to protect her money, and provide for her care. A whole lot of people wind up needing to depend on Medicaid at some point in this journey and you will need help so make sure you handle this IMMEDIATELY waiting could wind up being very costly and your Mom could end up without the care she needs.
She put on an act tried to cover up etc but underneath was having great anxiety & depression about the changes she was experiencing. I was kind but frank and most importantly 100% let her know that I would support her to live as normal a life as possible.
She was so relieved and gratefulbas she confided that she had been so worried that no one would want to know her and she would be shoved in a home.
She since accepted that this was the prognisis and we have always acknowledge the poor memory and how her life has changed now which works for us as she really gets very upset if anything is discussed behind her back.
I have tried to normalize the illness for her instead of making it the taboo subject that it has been and she seems to feel more comfortable with this.
I'm sure each person is different, so I suggest to think about how this illness will change her everyday personal life/ independence etc and try to help her feel supported in those areas so she doesn't become isolated , depressed etc
Setting up day centre groups, outings with others in similar situations at initial stages can be very beneficial to them feeling part of a secure and familiar social group further down
the track.
All the best.