My Mom’s behavior for nursing / rehab staff is quite different than with me.

My mom is in a nursing facility where she has completed rehab following several falls and a TIA. They say she is ready to come home or go to an assisted living facility. She does have dementia, anxiety disorder, depression, diabetes – but no illnesses of the heart or other major organs. The SNF says mom is able to walk well with a walker, care for her personal hygiene, dress and feed herself. They say she is pleasant, cooperative and shy. This is a pretty good facility and I respect their observations.

In the 4 months mom has been there, rehab and I have agreed on a few DAILY TASKS that will get mom home: 1) Walk with her walker around the facility as much as possible 2) attend at least 1 activity (Coffee Club, dining in the Dining Room for any meal, Bingo, all kinds of socials and crafts, etc.) 3) Read anything of her choosing & watch TV a bit to keep her brain sharp 4) Do most of her hygiene and self care independently.

So, THE PROBLEM: Mom is NOT doing much beyond lying in bed and sitting in her wheelchair. She MIGHT do one of her “DAILY TASKS” every other day. When I am there it is constant complaints, negativity, and she tells me “I’d be better off dead.” When she was home, my household was chaos – complaining, unable to do anything without help, and sometimes refusing to eat or take meds.
I am the only child and she desperately wants my attention and servitude. She has no living relatives or friends. I felt like a fool today when her nurse told me again that mom is sweet and does pretty well caring for herself. They are not seeing the needy, demanding, critical mom that I know well.

I MUST make a decision regarding mom’s return home NOW. Since I am the only person on earth that cares at all, I have extra guilt.
Thanks for “listening”. You guys have become a source of support and reason, and I am grateful.