Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get your loved one in the shower when they refuse because they think they are not dirty?

My mom tells dad if he doesn't get a shower or get dressed we are sending the CG up to help him with it. This normally works! He would rather we do it than a "stranger" he can;t remember from day to day. BTW the CG has been here for almost a year!

Does she have a sweet tooth? If she has a favorite treat, use that, (like a little child) and tell her, "after your bath/shower, you can have your ice cream."
Maybe she like to go for a car ride? Whatever it is, she has to do this, to get that.
Good luck...dimentia is a tough one.

well when I first started it was hard because the daughter was always around and that made the elderly feel like ain't no one taking away my power. not even me. so I had a talk with the daughter. and when it was time I was just walk her quietly to the bathroom and she would ask me where you taking me, I would say let me show u something and we keep walking straight to the bathroom. and she would say oh ok. than I ask her so how was your day and while I be talking I be removing her clothes and so on and making jokes and next thing you know she's in the shower standing while the chair is right behind her. and I be talking to her at the same while she laughing and asking questions. I keep a towel and something that I can pour water on her. and a safety mat so she doesn't fall. her bath days are Monday and Thursday. not unless there is an accident. you don't ask question you don't say what your going to do. you talk about something positive . well ladies I hope this was very helpful god bless you all

Same problem I am facing.
But now after reading this I got the some things which I can try.
Thank You very much guys.

Thank God for Mass on Sundays and Dr appts . or I'd be fighting that same battle..

My mom was a very clean person before the Alzheimer's and liked to look good. She would give me a hard time and I would "force her", once she got in she would say how good it felt.. I have changed my approach on things. I will ask her if she can help me with something (I also do this when I help her change for bed). When I get her alone I talk in hushed tones and tell her that I didn't want to embarrass her but that she smells funny and I knew she would want to take a shower or sponge bath. She always comes off as appreciative. With eating I will come in with the food and say I am so sorry I didn't get this to you earlier but I got busy with _____. She always says that's alright and will start eating.

I agree with captain. I was born in 1932 in the depression, one of 7 children. We moved to a 5 acre farm where my father could grow our food. We had no electricity, an outhouse and no water. My father carried all of our water for washing, cooking and bathing from the water pump on the next farm. We bathed once a week in a washtub in the kitchen. Were we uncommon? No! We were clean enough and happy. None of us died from uncleanliness. Get over the idea that humans have to bathe daily. Old people feel awful and they deserve understanding

Thank you all for the suggestions. I am going to try to place blue duct tape on the shower enclosure, that is about 4" high, and he has to step over it. Maybe my husband can talk him through it. That was great idea! I am also going to put a few strips of different color tape on the shower chair (so he can say, "sit on the shower chair, it has the green stripes on it"). Our enclosure is all white, and I think it will help both MIL and FIL get into the shower (when we can get them in there!!). My sister also suggested a color tape on the toilet riser becasue it's all white, so FIL can see it at night...our linoleum is white with grey specks, and it may be hard for him to distinguish where the toilet is at times.

Figure out when she's at her weakest (a bit drowsy from medication?) and walk her to the shower. Keen an eye on her, though.

The 2nd suggestion would be warm bubble baths. Keep her company, and wash her hair slowly and gently to calm her down.

I know it's frustrating, but don't let your emotions cloud your judgement. You'll run out of options that way because you'll be reacting rather than trying to find the best solution. Just like you're doing right now.

My mother is the same. She hasn't showered in years, or even washed herself in six months. With dementia, they think they have washed because, like everything else, they can't remember. Plus, anything you suggest they do - they will fight tooth and nail against it. We have tried everything. I guess the only solution is to move her into assisted living and leave it to the professionals. After years of struggle we have given up because there is no way to force Mom into the shower except stripping her down and physically forcing her - and she is too frail and too much of a risk. So far she doesn't smell so we are just letting it go until that happens. I really my mother doesn't want to look at herself naked skin so she covers up from head to toe, even in the hottest summer (she is very vain and laments constantly about her aging body).

my mother bathed at the lavatory with a washcloth for 82 years, my aunt for 89 years. modern society has some absurd hangups imo. try eating everything on the food pyramid chart everyday and youd eventually bust . a lot of things we do could stand some rethinking imo..

There are many articles and discussions here on getting an elderly person into the shower. If I knew how to put up the links I would do it but I did a search up there in the search bar and numerous links came up. It's a common problem. Good luck!

I have the same problem, I hope someone can offer suggestions! FIL with ALZ hates to shower/shave!