Is it okay to talk to a parent in beginning hospice care about past hurts?

Thank u all. I agree. Glad I reached out as those giving advice were thinking of me only and not my dad.

No, not even if it is to apologize for what you did wrong. Bring up the happy memories and thank him for that. Nothing else matters.

don't do it...and not just for his sake. Do you want to live the rest of your life with more regrets? there's nothing he can do to fix the past, you'll still have the memories of those..you need to learn to let go of them for your own sake. My mother was very cruel to me when I was young, she openly admitted that every family needed a whipping post and she chose me. Now she is older, I can see more of how out of control her life was, and how much pain she was in..it makes it understandable...and now that her memory is going, it just seems petty to hold something against her that she can't even remember.

It has helped me to let go and heal. I hope you find peace. Wish I had more helpful things to say.

No dont do it.

I agree..don't do this. You may feel better, but really what difference will it make at this point? You said he was "other wise" a good dad.. let it lay!

I agree with Chicago1954. Don't unburden yourself while your dad is dying. It's not fair. Allow him to live his last days in peace.

This is a really good question to ask of the hospice social workers and chaplains. Let them guide you through this part of the journey.

No. There is nothing to be gained, by bringing up the past.

Yes. Thank you. I feel the same, but others who are worried about me thought it would be best. I didn't and don't think so for him...and yes he has always been
there for me in other ways. I like
the letter and reading it to another.
I love him and would never want to hurt him...even though I have felt hurt by his words.

These are hurts that your dad inflicted on you? I'd probably write him a letter but not give it to him or send it to him. Read it to a friend or a minister or counselor. Unless you think that talking about it will somehow bring you both peace?

You know your dad better than anyone...my dad was never a talker and there were things I could have shared with him about things he said/did to me that really affected me throughout my life, but as I got older, I understood more about where he came from and was able to appreciate all of the good things he did for me. I didn't feel the need to share the pain he caused me. I don't think he could have processed it anyway.

But I did a lot of work on my own (through various programs) to feel at peace about it myself. My dad did the best he could. Is it possible your dad did too?