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avidreader Asked April 2014

My mom seems increasingly weak -- she's almost ninety. How safe is she living alone?

So far, I've been able to help my Mom in all the ways she needs help. But yesterday she fell in her bedroom and couldn't get up. The rest of the day, although we visited the doctor, she seemed weaker. I have two sisters, one of whom seems to bring trouble wherever she goes. The other one and I get along extremely well. I now feel at the point that Mom is not really safe living at home, and she has quite a bit of tiled flooring. She does live mostly on the main level, and has stair chairs to the other floors. We take dinners together almost every night, but that may soon be impossible. I already feel as if I've given a large portion of my life up to care for her. I don't seem to know where to draw the line, and I'm apprehensive about discussing future options with both siblings. Does anyone have any advice about these issues -- Mom living alone and sibling agreement on what to do about Mom's care? I would so appreciate hearing from you. I find this Web site so very helpful during this challenging phase of my life. My mom and I are both widows...

gladimhere Apr 2014
It sounds as if mom needs to be in assisted living. If it is difficult to convince her retain a geriatric case manager to complete an assessment if mom hears therbreport maybe she would

Eyerishlass Apr 2014
Families have to be able to discuss these things. No one's want to, no one likes it and it only makes it worse when there are issues within the family to begin with but you have to find out what your siblings are thinking. Do they expect you to care for mom indefinitely? Isn't that something you'd like to know? Do they expect you to make all the decisions since you're the main caregiver? Do they have any ideas about what needs to be done and at what point?

A dialogue needs to begin. You don't have to settle anything during the first 5 minutes of a discussion but it's good to know what page everyone is on.

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smithkrsm1 Apr 2014
It's never good for a ninety year old to live alone. I've had exposure to 90 year olds who were able to walk around but did not have the energy to keep a house clean or bath themselves property or make the best financial decisions. At that age, they are also more likely to have accidents in the home. It's best to either live with her and get help from a visiting nurse or find an assist living complex where she can get 24hr care. In each case, you can get financial help from the government to do so. If her husband was a war vet, you can also get financial assistance to help take care of her.

pamstegma Apr 2014
What did the MD say? He is the one who writes the recommendations for ADL's at Assisted Living. Talk to him/her.

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