Can we get financial help for an adult child who's taken unpaid leave of absence caring for her mother who is in hospice?

Dongilson, if you can't cut back and make ends meet, she has to go back to work, period. Mom has to move to a respite facility or else you have to cut out the cable TV, tear up the credit cards and eat small meals at home, turn off the lights, lower the heat and sell the valuables.

Well thanks but that is not quite our position. Mom has had lung cancer for about two years but it has metastasized to her brain and she will die within a short time. She is 80 and is covered by medicare. Our problem is short term. The issue is short time financial help to keep our family afloat while my wifes income is out of the picture. There's no way to move her here she could be dead any day or within the next few months. So what do I do? Hope she dies? My wife can't deal with any of these financial questions she's too busy watching her Mom die. She doesn't deal with financial anyway, that's my job!

From what I've learned from reading here so far is that basically your wife's family has to bite the bullet so to speak and accept that they will have to spend down you MIL's assets. If there's not a reverse mortgage on her house get one - that would help for a while. Once everything is used up she would go on Medicaid. It seems like families destroy themselves with caregiving to keep the parent out of the nursing home (even if it actually is appropriate) or to preserve assets for inheritance. But what good is that if the generations left behind are left bankrupt and their ability to support themselves in tatters? During one of my mother's downward turns I explored some of this and was advised it was better for her to start her time in a nursing home while she still had assets because she would be eligible to get into a much nicer and higher quality one - then make sure that nursing home is required to keep the resident once they run out of money and switch to Medicaid. You could do something like this in your town in Utah and your MIL could then be close to you guys and your wife could go back to work. I wish you luck these are all hard choices.

Thanks for your reply. Yes she is eligible for hospice and is covered under medicare. They are providing her with pain relief (morphine, etc.) but not much to relieve my wife of the physical burden. Mom has been provided with a hospital bed and oxygen in home. There is life insurance and she owns a home worth quite a bit of money. She has never owned a car. She has put her assets in a trust for the siblings but I have no idea how that can help us at this point. We need both of our incomes to support our family and very soon we won't have hers. It's too bad there are only two of the siblings who are there for Mom. Neither of us have the money to provide constant care for Mom. This is one of the most terrible things we have ever gone through. You have no idea how bad I felt to have to have to leave my wife in CA to come home. Thank god she has one sister to help her but I don't think she will be able to stay there much longer. She lives in Colorado and supports herself. We live in Utah and to say the least we have drained our resources traveling back and forth from Utah to CA during the course of Moms prolonged illness. HELP!

Is your MIL eligible to go to hospice? What other assets does she have? A car? Perhaps, that could be sold. Will there be life insurance, payable to your wife? Can she qualify for medicaid and be cared for in a hospital?

Is there any family member that you can get a large loan, from?

Keep reading here. There are a lot of knowledgeable people, on this sight.

Thanks for your answer. My wife is not willing to leave Mom in this condition and I though that maybe since she is providing most of the hospice care there may be some help from the state of Ca or the Fed. There will be money after Mom passes but it may not be in time to save us from foreclosure. There doesn't seem to be any "professionals" to take over full time care for Mom so we are stuck in a catch 22. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. What has happened to our country? Should there be or are there options for full time care provided by medicare hospice in CA? I just got back to Utah after 3 of the most depressing weeks of my life in my mother-in-laws home helping my wife care for Mom. Good lord I wish we lived in Canada. USA is obviously not #1

You may have to wait for Mom to die and the house is sold to make up the lost income. The daughter should return to her job and leave Mom with the professionals. That choice is hers, however, and not an easy one to make. Godspeed.