Don't know if I should give up caretaking for my elderly Dad?

I could maybe see turning your life upside down to care for an appreciative parent. But when your dad (who doesn't have dementia) belittles your efforts and accuses you of ulterior motives, I'd run, run far away back to your good job and life. Offer to help place him in an ALF and let him make his own choices about his life. You've already done more than your share with so many other siblings who won't help. Go back to your life and don't feel one moment of guilt!!

Okay, he doesn't treat you well, thinks you have an ulterior motive for caring for him? It sounds to me like your dad is begging for someone to find him a nice alf. Take the job and live your life. Let dad live his.

Dad does not have dementia, so you should be able to have a serious, albeit difficult discussion. You need to take this job....no if ands or buts. He can go to your state settle nearby, whether in a NH,ALF or small apt. Whatever is needed.
If needed liquidate assets or rent his home, but it needs to happen. Otherwise, if needed he can go to a facility in his state.

TAKE THE OFFER!!!! Either take your father with you or make arrangements for his care where he is. You have a longer future than your father's. You will need that job to secure your future. There must be a way you can take him with you and find care for him while you work.

my dad is 81 years old and doctors say he could live another 10 years because he has a good heart, liver, etc. I have been caring for him for six months with no help. Also he is mean to my wonderful husband. I know he belongs in a facility and that is most likely what will happen. Thanks for all your advice. I needed to hear that I do have my own life and it is ok to leave him. Care taking is the hardest job on this earth.

You didn't say how old your dad is or how long you've been caring for him. How much longer can he possibly live? I mean, if his only problem is mobility is it possible that you can be in this current situation for another 10 years? What does that look like?

You have to do what's best for you and I'm sure you'll read the same thing over and over here. Don't be a caregiver, 5 or 10 years down the line, posting about how you've wasted your life caring for your father for so many years. Not that it's a waste, but you know what I mean. If you're burned out now how will you feel a year from now? Or even 6 months from now?

If you can find another arrangement for your dad take and run like hell back to your old job. Don't give up your life to take care of your dad. If you go back to your old job can you move your dad there into an AL facility maybe? At least you'd be closer to him and could oversee his care AND work your job.

You still have options......for now. Those options go away after a certain point and we can never tell at what point they're gone. One day they're just gone and there's not a damn thing we can do about it.

There's nothing wrong with wanting....needing....your own life. It's natural to want that. And there's nothing to feel guilty about, not one little thing. You've cared for your dad, it's been awful. Your siblings don't help and they most likely never will. You've gone down this road and you'd like to make a change. You have every right to make that change without feeling guilty. It's your life.

I am in the same exact spot....well minus the great job and pay increase. I have cared for Mom for 8 years, I am so burned out and I want out. That means putting Mom into a Memory Care Facility and I told her I was going to have to do it last night. She verbally tore me up pretty good for someone with moderate+ dementia. I have to say that after I told her, I felt somewhat relieved. Sisters want her to be cared for at home and just have me hire in home care givers. They have JOBS so they cannot do this...what about ME? I would love to see the light of day from outside these 4 walls too.

Your position is as bad as mine. Can you put him into a care facility that he might actually enjoy?