Caregiving for abusive elder and contemplating moving out. Any advice?

Also want to add, since this isn't a family member. I'd do the letter and get out of it. It's hard enough to be a caregiver, much less to someone who abused you.

Power of Attorney (POA) are either Health or Finance Power of Attorney, or both. You cannot get paid for making health decisions or taking care of financial decisions and seeing that the persons bills get paid on time. However most POA contracts allow for reasonable reimbursement of mileage, utilities, food, etc... And yes you can get paid for caregiving. Some can get paid through Medicaid, depending on what state you live in, you take a class and through this you can be paid to care for a family member, and some can do a caregiver contract if the person has the income to pay you, and they want to pay you, that's the big key, that they want to pay you. Look into it.

First you have to consider your health. If this situation is beyond your limits, move out. If her own family refuses to care for her, that should tell you a great deal. Find another person who is more to your liking and care for them. You have a great many choices from which to choose. Write a letter or tell them in person. A letter can be read and re-read without interruption, but in it give your two week notice.

Re-reading your question/posing your situation I almost laughed at loud at the relatives telling you to just slough it off! I bet they do want to you ignore it and hang in there or they'd be on the hook for hands on care day to day. Even IF this is how you put a roof over your head I would try to find a different situation and get out of there.

Move out - life is too short and you do not deserve to be a punching bag. You could try and set boundaries with assertive communication but with personality disorders it is difficult unless you have a very strong personality.

Give notice and move out.

If room and board are "being held over your head," instead of being just part of your compensation package, you are not being appreciated. Let the family find someone else to take care of Grandma, or place her in a care center. Meanwhile, find other ways to support yourself, ways that include regular time off, holidays, vacations, and a limited number of hours per week. And give you a way to earn social security credits.

Perhaps you love Grandma. Good. Love her from a distance the way other family members do.

Agree with the posts above. My take is: move out even if to a friend's couch, get a job (or two) focus on getting out of debt and building some savings. You don't say who this person is, regardless, you can visit or run errands once a week for a set time 1-2 hours. If worse come to worse, call Adult Protective Services. Find some free counseling, or check your local place of worship for
help, or social services. Move on from the no involvement family members. Even if you have some obligation here, it's not a healthy situation. Stay strong. Boundaries.

No one should move in with a person that requires 24/7 care. Demand to get paid, or give a few days notice. By the way, what you are doing would cost the family about $4,000/month. I doubt that you are living in a palace.

Ask a friend to take you in for a few days.

Who is she? Doesn't sound like a parent or family member. Why do you want to continue to do this? It's important that you have a life. You only get one. If you feel for some reason obligated to take care of her then I would research a safe, warm place for her, visit when you can and over see her care and get some distance and quality of life.

I understand you can't get paid for POA services unless that is set up ahead of time, but that doesn't seem like it would block you from being paid to be a caregiver. Does anybody know?

it is a family member, and I don't get "paid" I get free room and board. which believe me is held over my head. I am stuck for now. but reading your response, perhaps its time to move on. starting tmw.

I know how you feel and what your going thru.It hurts deep inside and unfare to be accused or to be abused by the elderly.Elderly's use us as bunching bags.The difference is,getting paid to be a caregiver or stuck doing it all for free like me.
If your being paid to be a caregiver.You signed up for it and knew what your getting into prior.That's what you get paid those big bucks for is to take the abuse.If I got paid it wouldn't be so bad.But,I'm stuck doing this job for free because,I agreed without knowing before hand POAs can't accept payment.
It's your job as the caregiver to tell the family the issues without questions or doubts.You as caregiver has the right to stop being the caregiver.If you can't work with your client stop and move on to another that needs you more.It's best to talk it over with your boss.Attempting to work things out with a elderly with dementia is pointless.You'll never win that task.Report the issues you have to the family and explain to them something must be done before things become worse.You should enjoy the job you desired to do not hate your job.