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Babsie Asked April 2014

How can I explain to my husband that his memory is getting worse?

He spends most of the day watching TV or napping..how can I get him to walk or exercise. He also has COPD and heart issues.

Chicago1954 Apr 2014
There is exercise that he can do, even in a chair. But, as far as you making him - you can't. I would take him to rehab, if he qualifies. They are experts at getting people up and moving.

vstefans Apr 2014
Check with his doc too about how bad the heart and COPD are and whether anything could be done to improve that...maybe he needs a little more oxygen or a different medicine and he'd feel better and have a little more energy than he does.

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jeannegibbs Apr 2014
Babsie, I have the same question that Eyerishlass has. Why do you want to tell him that his memory is getting worse? Once you have thought through the reason, you may decide not to do it, or you may see a logical way to do it.

My mom knows she has "memory problems." We don't use the word dementia with her. There are times when it seems appropriate to say to her "your memory seems a little worse today" when getting her to accept something we are doing for her. My husband was quite aware that he had dementia and sometimes he would be the one to say "my memory is really bad today!" Or when he was frustrated I would hug him and say, "Lewy is being particularly nasty today. But it's OK. I'll keep you safe today, and by tomorrow maybe Lewy will leave you alone." (He had Lewy Body Dementia, which fluctuates greatly from day to day.)

So I can understand that there may be some reasons and some occasions when gently agreeing or pointing out that memory is worse, I think it is important for you to identify why you want to do it. That may guide the "how-to" part of it.

Have you asked him to walk with you, to keep you company? Does he have a rollalator so he can sit down when he tires? Do you have a video of simple exercises you could do together? Has he had a few sessions with a PT?

Walking and other exercise would be good for him on all levels. You love him. You want good things for him. He has to want that, too. Or he has to be willing to do some things out of love for you. You can encourage, but I don't know of anything you can do to make him take care of himself.

It is hard to watch our loved ones not taking good care of themselves. Do what you can to encourage him, but accept that you don't have control over it.

marymember Apr 2014
I'm not sure if he needs to be reminded too often. But it would be easier to include yourself as needing reminders. He would then feel like he isn't the only one. I know how frustrating it is, because my husbands asks the same question over and over. He can't remember that tomorrow is Easter and that we'll have many family members over. It is irritating, but it is best to be positive. marymember

Eyerishlass Apr 2014
If your husband doesn't want to take a walk or exercise there's nothing you can do to make him. I'm sure he knows the benefit of doing these things and if he chooses not to do them you can't force him.

As far as how to explain to him that his memory is getting worse, why do you need to explain it to him when he probably won't remember that you explained it to him? If you have to tell him more than once it does no good to tell him over and over. It probably just agitates him. Why does he need to be told more than once? There's nothing he can do about it, nothing you can do about it. Take the path of least resistance and give up on trying to force things on him. It'll make your life easier as well.

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