How long does the "active" stage of dying last? Mom entered that stage this morning.

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coolieslady Asked April 2014

How long does the "active" stage of dying last? Mom entered that stage this morning.

She is 82. Had a minor stroke in October and had pretty much recovered from that. She was diagnosed with A-Fib and put on coumadin. In January it was discovered that her blood was too thin around the time she caught a really bad cold. During one of her coughing spells she burst a vessel in her brain. Long story short we brought her home after not eating for 10 days. She proceeded to get better but then got a UTI. She hasn't and isn't going to bounce back from that. She has been home now for 3 months. Refusing to eat or drink. Now difficulty swallowing. She no longer has urine output and seems to be on the verge of a coma. And I know it takes as long as it takes. Different with each person. It's just very hard to watch. I really just needed to vent.

End of Life End of Life Signs

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score 0 · Answer 1

Venting is a wonderful thing and the thing you should do most for yourself--and you're right--the process is different for everyone. There is a wonderful book put out by HOSPICE you should insist on getting from them if you're using them. It's called "Gone from my eyes" and it gives you a step by step description on what you and Mom will be going through. It was invaluable when my husband was passing away. It took alot of the surprises away. Death, the physical part of it isn't what they show you on tv--and is a different process for everyone. Sending you the biggest hug.

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score 0 · Answer 2

((((((hugs)))))

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score 0 · Answer 3

Bless you and be at peace. You did your best, and loved her most by your gifts of caring and staying with her until the end. Take care of yourself now. And hug your loved ones. Thank you for all you did for her.

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score 0 · Answer 4

May you have the comfort and peace you and your family as you seek to comfort others who share in your lose. Speaking from my own current experience (with my husband in end-stage dementia), I know it was difficult to see your mother decline. She is free now from all her physical burdens. You will miss her but I hope you give yourself a lot of hugs for all you did for her.

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score 0 · Answer 5

I know it is a sad time for you, but also a blessing to have passed peacefully, and to have been there with her. (And on Easter, too - that would be something special from my point of view!) I hope you have, and feel every consolation there can possibly be.

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score 1 · Answer 6

Thinking of you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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score 1 · Answer 7

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family...

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score 3 · Answer 8

Thanks to all who responded. It didn't take long. We were lucky. Mom left us around 6 pm. Very peacefully. She just stopped breathing and that was it. We are doing very well but we both know it just hasn't sunk in yet. God Bless you all!

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score 0 · Answer 9

my prayers to you all. Hang in there!

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score 2 · Answer 10

I remember my grandmother stopped eating. Everyone was very concerned and forawhile she was tube fed. But my Mom (who is in the hospital right now& very ill) said something I thought was brilliant. She had them stop force feeding my Grandmother, and said "if she is ready it go, we have no right to make that decision for her. And my Mom and Dad (now deceased) have made that very clear to her children our entire lives. And I will respect that if it comes down to it.

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score 1 · Answer 11

Coolies, get Hospice in the picture, you shouldn't have to do this without help. She will sleep more and more. Extremities get cool, bluish. She may cry out in fear or pain or confusion. Morphine will help a LOT. Ask your angel to guide you.

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score 1 · Answer 12

coolieslady, my thoughts are with you as you are going through this. We never know when the last moments will be, but I have a feeling that she will pass peacefully. My father entered his final dying process about 4 days before he died. People are different, though. All you can do now is keep her as comfortable as possible and gather the family around if possible. Hugs to you.

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score 0 · Answer 13

I'm in the same boat. Mom has been in hospice five days. My prayers go out to you all.

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score 1 · Answer 14

I don't have an answer for you, I just wanted to express my support for what you're going through. My mom is getting closer and closer to that point and I know it's agonizing, even though you know you've done all that you can do...hugs to you.

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score 1 · Answer 15

Your need to vent is understandable. And you're right, it takes as long as it takes. Nothing going in, nothing coming out is a definite sign that your mom doesn't have long. Days? A week? No one knows.

At least she's at home surrounded by people who love her.

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How long does the "active" stage of dying last? Mom entered that stage this morning.

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