2 POA holders and one doesn't inform the other of what is going on. Any advice?

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xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Asked April 2014

2 POA holders and one doesn't inform the other of what is going on. Any advice?

My brother and I are POA for my mother who is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers. He removed her from her home and she is living with him in a cramped home. I live in another state therefore my hands are tied. I last spoke to my mother in Feb. it's too traumatic to talk to her anymore. She wants to go home he only takes her on weekends, he's claiming the house as his already, she's still alive. She just had surgery and I wasn't informed. Ok I know it's my fault too for not calling. Back in November my brother made it clear to me that he no longer wants contact with me as I see things differently, from the financial end of my moms situation. He's living off her wallet , I can't prove anything because he has her in a yes mode. Like right ma you said I could do this. My sister in law is the greediest person I know. They keep mom stupid and unproductive in their home. Sitting around doing puzzles isn't productive. Is there any LEGAL action I can take against my brother without seeing or talking to him. He won't allow me to see my mother alone for fear I will take her to a lawyer to redo the testament. He's probably done it already behind my back anyhow. Is there anyway Elder services can assist me? has anyone gone through this ... it's all about greed.. he's playing the good son now and making me look bad by taking her to doctors and to her home. knowing I can't. and yet he won't allow it. He plays a bully towards me and at this point I fear him. I always have and now more than ever.

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score 1 · Answer 1

Petition for Guardianship immediately . Do Not Delay.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Pita,
Call Adult Protective Services, they will investigate for financial exploitation. The POA requires that her money be spent for her needs, not his. Do you have a copy of the POA? Even if he changed it, he could be charged with Undue Influence.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Thank you for your time in answering. I just wanted my moms last years to be more fulfilling than what they are offering her. I don't like to hear her whine about her unhappiness there, and when I tell her to speak up she says she can't. I guess I have to leave her in her situation. As my grandmother used to say when the pot gets to hot they'll all fry anyhow.. I just know my dad must be rolling in his ashes for this is not what he worked his whole life for to see my brother whom he disliked with a passion and his wife use his hard earned money. I just wanted to spend time with her again. I don't need her money. I've worked myself into a stress hole and sleepless nights and high blood pressure . And for what.... my brother hopes I croak first anyhow.. he pretty much told me so. What I didn't like was that he said I'll never see her again and especially not alone. At that point alone there must be rights?

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score 0 · Answer 4

Talking to my mother makes me upset. Because she complains about wanting to go home and she keeps telling me that my brother keeps buying new stuff for his house and she knows they have no money.Her credit card bills keep rising. Like one month her CC bill was $3200 my brother said it was her food bill,HA my mother is less than 100lbs always ate like a chicken. He has 3 grown kids who love to eat. I stopped calling because she likes to hurt me with her words. She was to be a snow bird and come to Florida for a few mts out of the year and then suddenly she says Florida stinks and is no good and that she wants to stay in the cold weather, but in the same breath she says she's cold and has nothing to do and that her son tells her what to do. It's not sour grapes, I just know my brother and his wife better. I know she is being taken care of, but she was always a productive woman, cooking,cleaning sewing and gardening.She said she wanted to come here and plant a garden, and now suddenly I'm not worth a dime. Yes I resent my brother. Because at the time this all went down, my mom was taking care of a sickly brother who passed in Sept. he was 46. When I arrived for the funeral, money and jewelry had been taken from the house against my mothers wishes. He lies and she backs him up because she said if she goes against him he gets LOUD. It's maddening..

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score 1 · Answer 5

If you haven't called your mom since February maybe your brother thought that you didn't need to be notified of her surgery.

You can call APS if you have a legitimate concern about your mom's health/welfare but with no proof they aren't going to get your brother 'in trouble.' You can make as many allegations as you want but without something to back it up it's going to look like sour grapes on your part. There are many situations in which APS is used as a weapon among family members so unless you can say with certainty and proof that your brother is in it for the money they can't do anything about it.

But I wonder since you're out of town and haven't spoken to your mom in a while how do you know they keep her "stupid and unproductive"? For someone with Alzheimer's, sitting around doing puzzles IS very productive and a great way to spend one's time. It's also good for the brain.

So your brother takes your mom to her Dr. appointments to make you look bad? Maybe he takes her to her Dr. appointments because he's taking good care of her.

But to answer your question I can't come up with anything you can do legally to your brother. What would you want to see changed? Would you be able to be your mom's full-time caregiver? This sounds more like anger and resentment against your brother than what's best for mom.

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2 POA holders and one doesn't inform the other of what is going on. Any advice?

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