My mother and father lived for a number of years in a small town, as their health issues grew worse I moved them closer to me and my children so that they could have better health care and family support around them. My father is very angry about the move even though he initially agreed to it. In addition both he and Mom have refused to get to know any of the other seniors in their building and have isolated themselves in their apartment. (They live in a senior building)
Although we are in daily contact with them and I and my husband have offered to take them out to events which they might enjoy they have both refused to join life again. Mom was the one who complained constantly about the small town life and wanted to move here yet I cannot get her to do anything. She just wants to sit and read books or watch television. She has gained a tremendous amount of weight and won't listen to her doctors, family or anyone tell her that she must start some sort of activity.
My father on the other hand gripes that the big city is too much for him and he no longer has any friends. In truth all of his friends have passed away so there is nothing I can do about that except offer him the opportunity to meet new ones. I realize that change is terrifying for seniors but this has been going on for three years now and I'm at my wits end. How can I help my parents to live again? Is this usual for seniors? Has anyone else gone through this? Help!
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But it was just the move from the midwest to the desert, that turned out to be awful. Oh, and she was moved from an apartment to her son and DIL's trailer. The nursing home was nice and she had people her own age, there.
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My mom lives in independent living and after being there for 13 years, she's tired of trying to meet new people (they keep moving away or dying), so she's happy to just read and stay in her room most of the time. I tried to get her out more, but finally realized she's an adult and it's her life to live. Same with your folks. Until your parents want to reconnect, there's not much you can do except change your own belief that it's your job to make/keep them happy and engaged. That's their job.
Your mom never liked the country. Your dad was on board about moving. Then they get settled in and decide they don't like it. You don't want to move them back because 1.) they're closer to you now and you can keep an eye on them and 2.) if they did move back chances are they wouldn't be happy there either.
You've done everything you can do. There's nothing you can do help them "live again". You've offered to take them out and they've refused. They live in a senior community where they would most likely have a lot in common with their neighbors but they isolate themselves. You can't force them to socialize or to meet new people.
You are not responsible for them isolating themselves. I'm sure the move (that was 3 years ago) was discussed between all of you. They obviously wanted to move. There's nothing you can do about this except move them back but then you wouldn't be as close to them and they wanted to move to begin with. Going back wouldn't make them any happier. It'd be different if you had uprooted them away from lots of friends and family but that doesn't sound like the case.
Don't blame yourself. And don't drive yourself crazy anymore either. It is what it is. They have an entire community at their disposal and if they don't want to make friends so be it.