How do you deal with your Mom not doing what they are supposed to do?

Put her junk food in snack size baggies.. then hand her one, or make her get it. This limits eating too much. easy to do while watching TV or what ever.

My mom was close to this point but not eating junk -- just sitting in her chair, not getting up, even to eat.

She lost so much weight so suddenly and now sees her big chicken jowls on her neck, that the whole thing really scared her. She gripes constantly about her physical therapy but is doing it.

Another part is that she DOES NOT WANT a: walker/cane/scooter, which are for "old people" so we remind her that, if she can't get in and out of her chair, she'll eventually have to get something to help her walk.

Also, we reminded her that, if she gets any more sedentary, that we'll have to bathe her. I suspect this also helped her get motivated. She doesn't want anyone helping her to bathe or go to the bathroom.

Unfortunately, everyone has a different motivational issue.

My mother now can move around much better, but she does get tired-out pretty easily. An hour of occupational therapy plus an hour of physical therapy, and she's totally worn-out for the day.

Is there anything your mom would like to do? Shop for a gift for someone? For herself? Anything like that? Sometimes, I know I used to make it too easy to say I'd pick things up for my mom. These days, if she wants it, I make her come with me to shop for it. I'd started doing that, but the physical therapist had also suggested taking her for more and more errands of short duration to build-up her strength.

In my mom's case, we understand some of the underlying causes of her weakness and changes in health and it's important to know these things to know if you're pushing the person too hard or possibly just not enough.

Sorry to hear about your mother's passing away LEP627. My Mom wont take her pills unless someone stays with her and watches her swallow them. Her primary is okay. Her specialists are great. We're going to her neurologist next Thurs so hopefully we get some answers about her memory and she's having trouble with her right foot. Her primary thinks that her heels are just dry and cracked and that's what's bothering her. I think it's more than that. I know the neurologist will get to the bottom of it.

My Mom did the same thing (and I just found out she wasn't taking her meds). I handed them to her and she acted like she took them. Shame on me. But if maybe you can get a caregiver who can go on walks (because my Mom never listened to me either). She passed yesterday from Sepsis. Part of the issue was that she was getting her hands on some meds (which I hid everything), and possibly overtaking those, and refusing to take others. How active is her doctor?Possible (because we all know how down stubborn our folks can be) consideration is the companion to walk with her. I was at the * I was going to place my Mom because I notices she was getting weaker and couldn't cook (BTW:I'm 54 and don't cook at all'

Thank you for all of your responses! It's just so frustrating between the junk food(she's a type 2 diabetic) and her not wanting to do any exercise. She is very picky about food and the list of things that she will eat is very short. Last night I made her scrambled eggs with cheese and toast. I thought she wasn't going to them but she did. Maybe she felt bad about my back. I also told her that my back is sore from helping her up from the bed and chair. My aunt who helps out with her told her that her back is sore also. She apologized but did not say that she would try.

JessieBelle...I think our Moms are very similar as far as the exercise and the junk food. I took her and my son out to eat the other day and all she wanted was a hot fudge sundae. I told her that we need to eat dinner first and them we can get ice cream. She ate half of her dinner.

Irishlass... It is too much for me to worry more about her health than she does in addition to taking her to all of her medical appointments and making sure that someone is always with her. I need a vacation.

cmwrinkl1...I wish I could talk my parents into selling the house and moving into an assisted living facility. I think something like that would be better for them and all of us who take care of her. They could also get my freeloading brother out of the house.

I agree with eyerishlass. My Mom resisted exercising and walked around as little as possible. She got huffy at any suggestion that she do anything good for her. I got tired of trying to trick her into getting exercise by going to the community gym.

Very good question - why do we work harder on their health than they do? If it is so we aren't left with the burden of caring for them, then get them to an AL facility as fast as possible. Then they can neglect themselves and it won't affect you. If an AL place isn't possible (financially) then decide now what you will be willing to do when they can no longer walk.

Give it up. There's no sense in your being frustrated and tired when your mom doesn't care about her exercises. It's not bothering her at all. You can't change her behavior but you can change yours. Know that your mom is not going to take responsibility for her health when it comes to this, accept it, and move on. Should she be doing them? Of course. But she won't. Why are you working harder on her health than she is? Give yourself a break and let it go.

Something else about the junk food -- I also plant a seed of an idea when it comes to that. I'll tell her that she is eating too much of a certain thing. She'll deny it and say that the container was only half full. Of course, I will know the truth, but I don't argue with her. This works fairly well. Even with her dementia, I noticed she'll cut down on eating things if I mention it to her. The thing I try to do is make her aware without making her embarrassed about it.

stressedout, I haven't been able to find a way. With my mother I plant a seed of an idea, then hope she will follow through. It works much of the time. I'll say something like, "It's a beautiful day. I bet you would enjoy going outside." I used to suggest going for a walk, but her mind and body have gotten to the point that I content myself with suggesting going in the yard. She usually doesn't do anything right away, but a bit later she'll get dressed and out.

I haven't been able to figure out what to do about the junk food. My mother will also sit and nibble large amounts of it. Weight is not her friend, since she has a hard enough time walking already. Getting out of her chair is already difficult. I do want her to be able to enjoy life by having things she likes, but she doesn't know when to stop. She'll eat a can of peanuts or a half bag of chips! She's diabetic, so it's a big no no on the chips. I limit what I buy, and if I see a bag setting at her chair, I'll move it so she can't idly start eating. It works some. I don't want to quit buying junk food, because she has so little she enjoys now. But I don't want her to eat too much of it, so I have to do little things to limit her -- buying only a certain amount and making it inaccessible without effort.

Something that may help her get up from her chair is a walker without wheels. My father had a terrible time getting up on his own. The walker made it much easier for him, since his arms were stronger than his legs. He could push himself up on the walker.