What can I do when I'm unable to move to care for my Mom with dementia?

pamstegman - excellent points. My main point was that the caregiver moving back with mom should not be assumed. One thing I have learned from the wonderful folks here is that the caregiver also matters.

I should add that I found myself in a long distance care quandary a couple years ago because mom had made no plan and had no intention of doing so. It involved first changing her mail to my address, to catch overdue notices, bills, etc. and figure out what's going on. Then I had to visit in person twice.

I needed a durable power of attorney document for the state she was in, and the state we moved her to. While on the first visit I collected all the legal documents that I could, like will, healthcare directives, deed, car title, insurance papers, bank, social security, pension/retirement, medical, everything I could sneak off with because she was adamant she did not need help. Between visit 1 & 2, I made a plan to move her. I also probably spent too long in denial about what had to come next.

I got truck & moving service quotes, found a place for her to live, and scheduled time off to do it. We did not have an estate sale. It either went with us on the truck OR it was donated. I didn't have enough time off to plan & hold a sale.

Then we drove her back, and began the MN side of the plan. New doctors, new schedule, getting a state ID, donating her car, putting her belongings into storage.
Getting her installed in her new senior housing place.

It sounds easy but it was a lot of steps, and I did one step at a time. This website is FULL of resources to get you there.

DC costs will be drastically higher than in LA. I moved my mom from NC to MN, but I'm an only child, and there were no other options. The first thing to do is obtain durable power of attorney so you can open up her books and see where things are at. There are geriatric case managers you can hire to help.

Enderby if they are on Medicare, OK, but if they have Medicaid, crossing state lines and coordinating care can get pretty dicey. Income that is low enough to be eligible in one state can be too high in another state. Check all that before you move.

Moving her, would really confuse her. I note that you aren't really considering that. But, I wouldn't do it.

You did not say if you really want to move, but that is a big decision in itself. If money is an issue it would seem both of you in Louisiana would be more economical than DC.
My NY in-laws are having trouble leaving their home of 60 years to move near us in the south, even though they say they want to and know they need to.
The situation is a little different for me since I already have one set of parents here, but your needs as caregiver are also important and worth considering.

I come to this site often to get some helpful tips on caregiving for my husband with FTD and to renew my faith in the goodness of human beings. You are an amazing bunch of people! I'm off topic, I know, but I needed to say "thank you!"

As others have suggested, you could move your mom to your town so you could manage her care more easily.
Or, you could pay your aunt to care for your mom. If your aunt moves in with her, your aunt would no longer have any housing expenses (utilities, rent/mortgage & taxes). This is a form of payment in itself. Additionally, you could (assuming that you are in control of your mom's finances) give your aunt a stipend from your mom's income. Living as roomates would make their expenses minimal and maybe free up some of your mom's income to compensate your aunt.
Government programs are for impoverished people (like the foster kids you mentioned). If that describes your mom, then she could apply for Medicaid which would pay for her nursing care.

If you ask the right people at Aging Services/ Job Workforce/Medicare/ Medicaid you will get the help you need perhaps even financial help for your Aunt to help. It depends on your Mom's financial situation, degree of disability, age and contacting the right people. I have been shocked by the blessings out there. Unfortunately, I am sure some people in need fall in between and do not qualify for some or all services. Keep asking around and do not be discouraged by those that say it is not worth applying for something. I had an aging service case worker tell me on an initial call that food stamps are not worth applying for. I just mostly worried for months before I called again with more specific information on income, assets, disability and age. I talked to a very helpful person who seemed to move mountains for us when. actually, they were just exposing us to all the services in place from Meals on Wheels to transportation assistance to Home care. Oh! And, yes! If your mother qualifies, the doctor can write orders to have 7(?) weeks of home care (bathing, meal prep, physical therapy) come to her home, mostly paid by Medicare. She needs to have need of physical therapy to trigger tall the services though. She probably qualifies if she has lost her balance, fallen or has aphasia. Ask her doctor. Good luck!

Any reason she can't be relocated and move in with you?

Can you move her closer to you? You could monitor and arrange her care that way. Mom was forgetful with severe dementia and would refuse to move away from her home. One of my sisters took her on vacation from her home while the rest of us frantically rearranged my home and moved as much of her things in to my house. We stored two rooms of my furniture and set up as much of her furniture as we could in the space. My sister then brought her "home" to my house. She was amazed to see her things. She asked all sorts of questions and told everyone she was just visiting. We told her she could go back to her home when her knee was better (which would never happen) and after a month she forgot she was "visiting" and this became her home. She has been with me for just under two years. Her dementia has continued on a downward spiral but she is safe and loved.

Sorry, the government is not responsible for your mother and taking care of her unless she is on Medicaid. No, there is no stipend for relatives to care for another relative. Your aunt can manage and then when you can move you will manage, just like all the rest of us in financial woes.

If your Mom has the income, and is willing or if you have POA, you can utilize her income to pay for in home help for her, and then arrange things like Meals on Wheels and Senior Day Care. If she has no resources, you should be looking to get her signed up for Medicaid, or as pamstegman mentioned, VA benefits if she's eligible. Both those programs do now pay for some in home help, but the application processes are long and involved. If you must manage from long distance, and have the resources, you can hire an elder case manager to be your eyes and ears and resource gatherer in her town. That is what I do, as this was a program through my parents' eldercare attorney's office. He had put their trust together many years ago, so when I took over, I just paid extra once I had power of attorney, to tap into their other services for managing my parents who live 5 hours away from me. If you have, or obtain POA, there are legal ways to pay your Aunt for moving in and caring for her too.. but if you are not able to ever plan to move to DC and relieve your Aunt, that may not be your solution on the long term either. Look for Senior Care Resources in DC too....and Alzheimers Organization provides a lot of resource ideas as well.

If your mom has assets you can hire a professional advocate to help you through the process. You can also call the local department of aging where she lives to see what services are offered. They department of aging is usually income based and they are very busy but they can be a resource.

There's no pay for fostering old people. If mom needs help you might want to call her MD about what kind of care she needs. Orders for care come from the patient's doctor. Hopefully Mom has good insurance or savings or if she was married to a wartime veteran, some help from the VA.