My elderly ex-husband (82) has dementia, is a hoarder, living filthy and won't take life seriously. Advice?

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CameoCameo Asked May 2014

My elderly ex-husband (82) has dementia, is a hoarder, living filthy and won't take life seriously. Advice?

He won't leave me alone. I am coping with PostMemopausalDepression, hypertension, chronic insominia and chronic fatigue syndrome; none of which my ex understands at his age and our 20 age difference gap. I get extremely stressed just on the phone with him. In person repeating things over and over and talking LOUD to him makes me miserable. In a restaurant recently he started crying about a n cat he had taken in and it died: everyone in the restaurant looked at me like I was making him cry! I don't go in public with him anymore. He contact my therapist and told them I was mean to him! I think now I must totally avoid him as he is a danger to me. I won't be with him when he drives as he drives dangerously. Because he comes across as a "nice old man' to everyone else, I'm taking the blame . Any advice? Very frustrated.

Alzheimer's & Dementia

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score 1 · Answer 1

If you had kids together, contact them otherwise change your number and get on with your life.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Make new decisions for yourself that do not include the "x". He is not your responsibility.

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score 1 · Answer 3

Good thing he's your EX husband, you can just cut off contact with him like the others suggested.

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score 2 · Answer 4

In my state (CA) you can download a form from the DMV to report concerns about someone's driving ability. I did that once and it worked very well even though I didn't know her name, just her address.

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score 3 · Answer 5

Unless the two of you had children together, there shouldn't be any reason for him to contact you or for you to contact him.

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score 1 · Answer 6

You cannot control his hoarding or his silliness. You can control your own behavior, and should stop all contact with him.

Also, please report him to the DMV if you are concerned that he puts other people at risk when he drives.

Cut off your contacts with him, but consider reporting him to APS as someone who may be a danger to himself.

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score 1 · Answer 7

Cut off contact with him and change your phone number to an unlisted one. You could end up getting falsely accused of elder abuse. That can be a real danger. 20 years is a big difference and if he gets mad enough at you to accuse you, they will believe him instead of you. Best of luck to you.

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My elderly ex-husband (82) has dementia, is a hoarder, living filthy and won't take life seriously. Advice?

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