How to respond to a grownchild's negative statements?

I agree that an outside party is needed here. The doctor may be able to set this up. If not, other social service agencies may have someone who can do an evaluation. Is the son the Power Of Attorney? He sounds quite controlling, though he may just be unsure of himself. Whatever the reason, it seems like they do need some guidance.

Keep checking back for feedback from the community. There are many wise people with ideas.
Carol

Contact her doctor and request Home Health Care evaluation. Someone will come to visit with your Mother and the family and go over possible services your Mother is eligible for if she is on Medicare. There is no charge for this visit.

This gives the family a chance to sit down with outside person and make decisions based on what is best for your Mother. You will get some very good feedback from the social worker. The negative family dynamics are usually held in check and just maybe this grown child will see the light of day! Best of luck.

Very often the adult children will complain about mom being nasty and unreasonable, when the real problem is their approach to her. You have to be very careful to pick your battles wisely.
Sometimes it's better to have someone else do the work and limit his visits to simply social exchanges. My BIL would battle with his mother constantly. Once she moved into ALF, their relationship improved. So in the above case, if a housekeeper/cook can be brought in to the picture, there would be less for them to fight about. They can go out to lunch or they can let someone else plan the meals and chores.

GS, are you caring for this lady in a professional capacity? Who's your client - sorry to be cynical, but by that I mean who's paying - the son or the mother?