What should one do about a difficult Mom who complains but won't get help?

Thank you all again. Having this site to share concerns and to get ideas makes all the difference for me. I agree that on some level such people are calculated in their manipulative schemes to achieve control on others lives. Sadly, they wind up alone and miserable in many cases and can't understand why. Thankfully, I have a good relationship with her doctor and sometimes meet privately with him. He has also stated that it will probably end badly because she doesn't listen to him, either. But at least I can look into the POA and try my best to guide her along. Living through this has taught me how I want to live in my elder years, and its not like this.

I really appreciate the insights, and will explore them all. Being prepared seems to be the best route. I helped my other three aunts, and none were this difficult. But she's been like this since I was a child. Old age magnifies it.

How does she know so much about senior living places? Change is hard for older people, apparently. They seem to stick with what they know, even when it's wrong. Can you take her for lunch at one of the IL or AL places? Do some research, yes, some places are like the worst junior high schools. but some are compassionate and loving. But as Pam said, you may just need to wait for the fall and the break before you can move her into a suitable place.

She must be my MIL's twin sister. This was the beginning of her dementia. Make sure her bills are paid; mom was hiding the ones she didn't like. Nor would mom hire any help because they wanted too much money. She also screwed up her medications pretty badly and landed in the hospital. I hate to say it, but you may have to wait for her to fall or break an arm before she will allow you to intervene.