Mom has prepaid burial but a state away from where we live. Do I contact them when the time comes to have her buried with Dad?

joannes: the VA put out a book with all pertinent information. Also go to the VA website. Talk to an ombudsman at VA. You should be able to get answers.

I have a related question that I wonder if any has experience with. Dad is a WWII vet, wants to be cremated and wants to be in VA cemetery or plot. Mom, on the other hand, wants to be buried in a casket. I know she can be placed with him in a VA cemetery, but what if she dies first?? And if he dies first, could we hold on to his urn of ashes and place them in her casket with her? These are various discussions that we've all 3 had together, without an answer. I can't seem to get anyone from the VA to talk to me about it, 'until a death occurs'.

DadsHelper13: There may be a way to satisfy all parties. If you still have your Moms ashes they can be placed with Dad & than both buried next to 1st wife in Naval cemetery. Check with the VA as they may be able to help with this. Otherwise just cremate & bury where you & family would feel most comfortable. Again, check with the VA.

Oregon Daughter: LOVE you comment re the pick-up truck. We have to keep a sense of humor about us if we are to remain able to cope with everything that will/is trying to bring us down. I know some people do not "get" the dark sense of humor but if it is in your nature you must embrace it to keep balanced. You and your family will get through this & I hope that you can all find times to smile (if not laugh) and look back on .

Good questions! My dad is a vet and his first wife is buried in the Naval cemetery in Long Island, New York. My dad remarried and mom died in '93 and she was cremated. Anyone know if dad has to be buried in Navy cemetery with 1st wife or if he can be cremated and put with moms ashes? Hospice says we can donate his body to science & he is organ donor, though he doesn't have any good ones left, and I'm thinking the science thingy....any input or help on this issue? Thanks all!!

Keep the sense of humor - it helps so much during your caregiver journey. ;)

I didn't realize that this question was one that hit home to so many. Thank you to all of you that sent me the private messages as well as the answers here. PS love the pick up story OregonDaughter. I don't think my mom would go for that either. She would be concerned about her hair getting messed up, and I'm sure she would let me know from the other side.

I just have to share a funny with you all. My mother asked again last night about how I was going to get her to her plot with Dad. I told her not to worry I have a pick up truck. Needless to say she was not amused;-)

Thank you all so much! I just wasn't sure where to start. Now I will make the call this week to put my mind as ease, so I know the process we will need to use. I want to make sure when the time comes that is one less thing I have to worry about. I'm such a Virgo! The ultimate list maker, and planner :-)

Contact the funeral home in Washington who would be handling any services. They will make arrangements to have her body transported. There will probaby be a transport fee depending on what is covered in her burial plan. Best to you and your mom.

My father was buried in a casket. My mom decided to be cremated and was able to be buried in my dads plot. Just information I didn't know & maybe some others didn't know it could be done.

It is expensive to transport a body. I do not think her pre-arranged burial expenses will cover that, but check the policy. The funeral home will make all the arrangements, but consider cremation if that is an option. She could still be interred with your dad. Research all your options.

We just did this with my mom two months ago. The funeral home where your mom made her arrangements should be the first place you call. Give them a call next week and explain your situation. My mom's transport a state away cost a little over three hundred dollars and it was paid for out of her care account at the nursing home. Good luck and best wishes.

Check with your local funeral home about switching her policy to them. If they will, and most do, then they will take care of everything for you. There will be transportation fees but they should be able to tell you what those will be and you might be able to prepay those as well.

My family went through this literally a week ago. My father died in Cincinnati but the funeral and burial were in central Pennsylvania. The invoice shows a charge of $1000 for transportation.

^ That is correct. My FIL died in AZ and the IL. funeral home, kept us informed of the arrangements and transportation. I do not know the cost.

You will have to pay extra to transport her from where she is to where she is being buried. It is usually done by plane but you need to contact the funeral home where she has the pre paid funeral and ask them how to handle it and how much it is going to cost. Normally they embalm them and transfer in a coffin and I have no clue if the funeral home where you live and the funeral home where she has the pre paid funeral will work with one another or not. Best to find out now because you MAY get hit with quite a large expense.