Mom is doing most of the caretaking for Dad. He is not a kind, loving, caring man and never was. Any advice?

What does your mother want? You say he has never been a kind, loving, caring man and yet she has stayed with him for decades. She must see something worthwhile in the relationship.

Would it help Mother to have in-home help, such as someone to bathe Father, housecleaning services, and Meals on Wheels?

Is Mother in favor of moving him to an appropriate care center? Let us know what your mother's attitudes are about this situation. Maybe someone here can then provide more specific help.

My father died two years back when he was almost 91. My mother was 85 at the time. She was his primary caregiver, though I did all the more active things (e.g., shopping, cooking, housework). My father, however, was never unkind, though he was in his own world. Tell us a bit more iweins and someone may know what you are going through with your parents.

Nobody who is 86 should have to do the caregiving. Now go get them some help.