My MIL is on mechanical soft diet thickener in all food. She has a choking problem since her stroke couple months ago. What do I do when this happens?

Glad you have Hospice! What you are describing happens to a lot of people. The "haves" only want more, and the ones doing nothing assuage their guilt by blaming and criticizing the ones who do it all. And the caregivee takes it all out on the one most devoted to them, because if they have any control over themsleves left at all, they sense you are too devoted too walk out on them, but they know darn well that paid help will say goodbye the first time they are seriously abused.
You're not crazy, this whole scenario is as common as rain. People who have not experienced it may not believe it happens, but people who have been on here any length of time know better for sure.

The sister I'm law has been diagnosed with by polar desease and has had liver transplant. She is not capable of taking care of mom or I think we would be putting her in harms way. But hospice is starting next week. The RN says she gettin close to passin. She is knocking on deaths door and still a mean person. Gotta go. Time to change her again

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Turnofthepage, given the hostility of your in-laws and their lack of assistance with your MIL's care, have you thought about telling them that, given their dissatisfaction, you have decided to turn over her care to them?

There is no justification for you to be under surveillance while tolerating abusive behavior. Regardless of what you've done for MIL in the past, it seems as though it's time for a change, particularly given the hostility and financial accusations of the family.

Give them a certain date (definitely not an open-ended time) by which they need to make arrangements for alternate care and tell them that if they don't, you'll be forced to seek institutional placement, as well as injunctive relief to keep them from harrassing you with a PI.

And start looking for either long term care or hospice, whichever is appropriate. But make sure DH is on board with this plan.

Get you and your family out of this situation before it escalates any more than it has.

Thank you All for replying to me. It's just been such a huge adjustment. She has only been back home for little over a week and our life has been totally turned upside down. It's just taken such a toll on me that all I wanna do is cry. I'm sorry to vent on you all but I have nobody who understands at all how I feel or what I'm dealing with. I'm so sad all the time. She is sucking the life out of me. I don't know what to do. She is so mean. Only to me. The nurses and PTs come and she is so nice and smiley at them that they can't believe this little old lady an be so hatefull. This my mil. Her one daughter lives right beside us, she will not lift a single finger to help me with her mom. Her other daughter lives in grand haven on Lake Michigan with every luxury a person would want and she hired an attorney to say that we are spending ma's money on ourselves. She is going so far that she is saying that my husband ( her brother ) and myself bank account belongs to the estate cause we had ma's name on it too. We sold our rental properties and that's where our $ come from. We live day by day and do not even touch that money that's for our future. We are being watched by a private investiger that she hired. The guy is a dingbat. We figured him out as soon as we saw him. And it's all so sad cause all we have ever done is look out for ma. And even though this mean little firecracker that I call my mil I will protect her till the day I die or she dies whatever comes first. But holy s**t is she mean!!!!

It sounds ike you are doing what you can. Some meds can worsen dysphagia, so a check with her doctor on that could be worthwhile. Also it is possible to give a little plain water in between meals with good oral hygeine without making lungs worse (look up Frasier protocol for dyspahgia) if that helps any. Aspiration of small amounts of food is not good for the lungs over time, but is not typically catastrophic; aspiration of vomit is much more likely to cause immediate and severe problems. You can try different positioning and slower pace of feeding, maybe get a consult with OT or speech therapist just to help with that. They say it does not usually improve lifespan or quality of life to put in a feeding tube in this situation though. You just feed by hand what they can take without too much distress, and maybe do some respiratory therapy if they are at all congested afterwards. In the setting of some strokes without dementia, this could be a different story and a tube would not be a bad thought, but it may not be for her.

Sorry to hear she is treating you so badly when you are trying to help!

I'm just so ready for alittle help.mil has been living with is for 8 years. Before her stroke she could at least walk talk and somewhat help me with her. Now I have to lift her up and down. Stay with her every meal so she don't aspirate on her food even though it's puréed. Eating takes about 4 hours out of day. Putting her on toilet takes another hour-hour and half,sometimes longer. Ect Ect I have degenerative disk desease so my back right now hurts so bad I think I could eat nails. The list goes on and on and on. Blah. Blah. Blah. But I'll manage. I always do. So I truly do think hospice will be a blessing for her and me. At least she will be nice to them cause she hates me. I'm tired of her hitting scratching and just hatefulness towards me.

I know it's hard to think about Hospice being in the picture, but they are a wonderful, supportive group. Their doctor and nurse came out the first day, aides come three times a week and they are always only a phone call away. They even offered volunteers to grocery shop for us. Good people.

GardenArtist thank you for responding earlier. Been hectic day. Yes she has dysphasia. Speech therapist,physical therapist Ect are coming. RN was here again today. She said on bout 3 weeks gonna have hospis possibly start comin in. Even if they just come in to give me a breather. I'm exhausted mentally and physically

I assume the thickener was ordered either on discharge from rehab or by a physician?

My understanding of aspiration is that if she's "inhaling" it and it gets in her lungs, that's aspiration.

Did she get speech/swallowing therapy in the rehab facility?

Did she have video swallowing tests to determine the extent of aspiration?

I think you really need to discuss this with a respiratory therapist, ASAP. My father had dysphagia (swallowing disorder) and was on tube feeding for several months. He also had speech therapy in the hospitals, SNF and at home.

This is a situation that should be addressed immediately. Please call your pulmonary or primary care doctor today.