My Mom has been retired for 24 yrs. My MIL for over 30 yrs. We're taking care of both of them now. They've had a lot of fun in their retirement. When do we get to have fun in our retirement? Will it ever happen? This seems to be a trend in our society now. Maybe they could start housing developments made for extended families that would have adult day care onsite so people could get respite. All single level homes, or homes that have bedrooms on the main floor for the seniors in the family. Any ideas?
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Since then, I cut their trips to this store in half.... it was easier for me to shop by myself, and take them at a later date.... very much later date. Now Mom is buying more than just one pack of toilet paper because they ran out before our next trip to this store and had to borrow toilet paper from me ;)
Is this what we all will be looking forward to in retirement? Running out of toilet paper :)
Please keep us updated on hubby's safety and sanity, equillot.
Cdeh61, I am only child, too, who will inherit quite a bit... my Dad must still have the first share of GE stock he bought back in 1944. But with my on health issues and that of my significant other, my parents might outlive the both of us. I rather have my parents use the money on themselves, to make life easier for themselves. But they won't..... [sigh]
The way things are going, we might have one weekend of retirement in 2019.
My MIL is the WORST for long shopping trips. And this is not something new with her - she's always been this way. But the last time I went with her, she wanted to get some lipstick, and we were at Walmart for about 2 hours. When we went to check out, she waited until we were at the cashier to dig into her big purse to find her wallet, then wanted to find exact change. Of course her coins were in her coin purse, in the bottom of big bag. There were 6 people in line in back of back of us (cosmetics has it's own check out) and I'm mouthing "sorry" and "Lo siento" to the people in back of us. When we got home, she tried the lipstick, discovered it was wrong color and wanted to return it! I told her you can't return lipstick once it's been used, but I'd buy it from her because I liked the color. That made her happy. Thank God. I wasn't going to go through that again. She went without lipstick.
For me, time is money.... but my parents don't understand that. Any time I take Dad to Home Depot and it is time to check-out, Dad only has one light bulb in his cart after roaming around that huge place for two hours.... while in the store I am thinking I could have washed 2 loads of laundry while doing research for work... [sigh].
Retirement sounds so nice. When my grandfather retired he would spend his days out fishing.... my grandmother stayed home doing cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping.... hey, wait a minute, WHEN do women get to retire????
Well, that person would be me.
YES, we need to find a good name for all the health issues a Caregiver can get, as so many are the same ones each and every one of us get, no matter if someone is a 24/7 caregiver or part-time or on-call. I like *caregiver syndrome*.
I'm home now and refuse to go out again. Mom had an echo, PET scan, had her hearing aids adjusted, we went to the drug store to pick up and drop off prescriptions (2x), swung by another doctor to pick up another prescription (for narcotics - you have to pick those up in person), then went to the grocery store. Oh, yeah, this morning I stripped the beds and did the laundry before the cleaning ladies got here (every 2 weeks they come and do heavy cleaning that I can't do). Tonight it's an easy dinner of Salmon Caesar Salad - last night we had broiled salmon., then Mom will watch the basketball finals (I hate basketball, so will get to play on Facebook in peace).
Mom has been getting incontinent, so there's lots of laundry to do. Going shopping with Mom is worse than going shopping alone. She likes to walk with the cart if she's capable of it that day. Then she wants to wander alone. That leaves me to shop without a cart, going back and forth carrying things to her. I only have a minimal amount of time I can be on my feet to begin with, and once my back starts to spasm, that's it. That happened today, we were in produce, and she was wondering if there were pineapples, and I told her, "If there are, they're all the way at the other end of the aisle, and my back isn't going there". She got the idea pretty quick by my voice, and we headed to check out. I'm only 57. And I'm supposed to take care of her???? Three years ago I was in pretty good shape. I really think we can call a lot of this a caretaker disease, or at least a syndrome. Social isolation, stress, depression - it's hard on your body, mind and soul.
Do people assume that being born female means we were born being trained to be caregivers? If I wanted to be a caregiver I would have gone into that trained field, taken classes, and got my degree, and made a career out of it.
What scare me and causes me many sleepless nights is wondering if my parents assume that since I am their only child that I would automatically be their Caregiver when that time comes. Right now I have been their *driver* for the past 5 years and I am frazzled just doing that, I need to get time off from work.
wears adult diapers and has to have help getting up and down from the wheelchair and in and out of the bed. There are days when she has to have her clothing changed three times because she has lost control of her bowels.
I have recently joined a Caregiver's Support Group. Most of the people in this group have hired help staying with their loved ones.
All of my siblings has been on countless vacations and are free to do as they please in their daily lives. I recently told them that I want to take a month off in the fall to do some things at my home that need attention and to go on a vacation... Of course, no one has any ideas of who can come to stay with my mother. I checked with Home Instead in our community to get rates...$20.75 an hour for personal care (my mother needs help with toileting and getting cleaned up). I am so depressed and am becoming so resentful. There is no one to help me and my mother says that she is not willing to pay to have someone to come in to help out while I have a vacation. I barely have money to pay my bills and do not have the money...
I have no social connections in this community. All of the people that I come into contact with are either my mother's friends or friends of my sister (who lives 2 miles up the road from my mother). My sister has offered to take my mother into her home but my brother does not like my brother-in-law and says that he will have our mother put into a nursing home before she will spend one night in my sister's home...
Any ideas would be appreciated...
I am worried about what is going to happen when my mother passes and I go back to my home 100 miles away. I will have to start all over again...trying to make friends...and I'm concerned about what my health is going to be after wearing myself out taking care of my mother...
As some have mentioned about their families, my mother did what she wanted in her retirement and had no caregiving duties as my father died when she was about 65. She had no caregiving duties for her parents who lived with her oldest bro.
What lies ahead - who knows?
I am 76 now and expect this will go on for some years yet. Mother is (and always has been) mentally ill and now has paranoia and vascular dementia so needs specialized care, but is physically healthy. I am thankful that I don't do hands on caregiving - couldn't and knew it from years back, but even distance caregiving, especially of a mentally ill parent, is stressful, and I find it affecting my health.
There are things I would like to do, like take some courses, but know that they would be difficult to complete due to my mother's illness. During the winter I had 3 phone calls a day from her, the vast majority of which were basically crazy. They affected my concentration and stress levels.
Thankfully sig other and I have been able to travel a bit. That has helped I think I am coming to accept that caring for mother, like it or not, will continue to be a significant part of my life in retirement. It certainly is not what I planned, nor is it what the media talk/write about for people my age.
Solutions??? I don't have any.
Our parents are living longer and longer, which is great if they are in the right setting.... think about it, someone who is 100 is having their child who is 80 trying to take care of them, and they aren't able then the grandchild who is 60 is helping out their own parents plus the grandparents, or the great-grandchild who is 40 is trying to care for 3 generations.
I am just hoping that us baby boomers will be setting a new example by moving into these fantastic retirement villages that are springing up all over the place. They are for those who are 55+ and older. Many have *continuing care* if one needs to go the next step. I know I am ready to sign up :)