My Mum's verbally abusing one of her regular team of carers. Any advice?

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DaughteronDuty Asked June 2014

My Mum's verbally abusing one of her regular team of carers. Any advice?

My mum was a very gentle person pre-dementia. Now she can be extremely difficult and unco-operative and says things like 'I'll punch you' or 'I'll spit in your face if you come near me'. This means that the other carer has to do all the work (she's double-handed). The agency have said that it's not possible to take this carer off the team as they have no replacement. How can I handle this? My mum can't take meds for this aggression and when I ask her why she behaves like this she has forgotten what she's done and said.

Alzheimer's & Dementia

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score 0 · Answer 1

Professional caregivers should know how to handle difficult clients through special training, but if this issue isn't resolved by the agency then perhaps Foreverlove is right. Time to find a new agency.
On another note, if your mother is taking that much medication, talk to her doctor or pharmacist about drug interaction as the root cause of her behavior issues.

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score 0 · Answer 2

I was giving your question some further thought, I realized you had mentioned that the agency said there is no replacement for the caregiver in question. Please do not accept this as an answer. If you suspect a problem, be persistent about your concerns. There are options - if the agency has a limited number of caretakers you can encourage them to swap caretakers from another case. Not to be too cliche but - "the squeaky wheel gets the grease."

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score 1 · Answer 3

I'm concerned that she seems to be fearful of the one caregiver and not the other. Have you considered a nanny-cam?

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score 0 · Answer 4

Penny makes me think of those pet cats whose owners can't get them to take medication for love or money. But the veterinarian shoves a pill down the cat in about 5 seconds without any problem. The owner is an amateur and the cat knows it.

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score 2 · Answer 5

I would consider maybe its time to get a new caregiver. For some reason, your mom has decided to be difficult with this specific caregiver. It doesn't mean the caregiver did anything wrong, sometimes interpersonal dynamics play a role and for whatever reason, your mom may have developed hostility toward this person. Hope this helps.

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score 1 · Answer 6

meds are needed..not snowing the person just gently taking the edge off..she is not happy this way believe me..she wants her old self back..explore the meds..good luck

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score 1 · Answer 7

PS, My Mom is on about 20 other meds. for blood pressure, heart, pain, you name it- Hope this helps- Blessings!

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score 2 · Answer 8

Is she at home or in a facility? I know my Mom's GP was not open to meds for her agression while she was at home. Now that she is in a NH, she is on meds and is MUCH nicer and that makes her much HAPPIER. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right one(s) and the right dosage, but for us it has truly improved her quality of life.

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score 2 · Answer 9

Hi assandache7 - too many other meds for stroke, pain, bp etc - the mental health team just don't feel she is a candidate - however, I'll knock on that door again - thanks

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score 1 · Answer 10

I agree.

Why can't Mom take meds?

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score 2 · Answer 11

Sorry, but it is either meds for aggression or a rubber room. These are very hard choices to make. I think of the old man who was shot and killed by police while waving a butcher knife. I would have rather he took meds and died in his sleep.

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My Mum's verbally abusing one of her regular team of carers. Any advice?

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