Denise, can you just clarify something for us. Your profile says you are caring for your mother with dementia. So both your mother and your brother-in-lay have dementia? What has been your sister's role and attitude toward you mother's dementia?
Denise you can watch Teepa Snow videos on youtubedotcom - she has some very good ones that help you understand why people with dementia act the way they do. Good luck...you can also encourage SIL to start reading the forums on this site. The information and support is unbelievable. We're all going through caregiving in a lot of different circumstances. We get it.
my brother was diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's at 54, it was hard for me to see because , we didn't live together and early on he would forget what day/time we were meeting for lunch - which i do as well. but when he couldn't keep track of our score in tennis, when his friends told me he got lost at work or seem to be in daze - you can't deny that he isn't acting himself. she needs to take him to have a memory test- even the short one- which is maybe 10 questions- she can sit in- and when she hears his responses - it will be tough for her to deny- his answers of what year it is; what year was he born, what month is it, who is the president will not be responded to the way he does because he "is lazy" My general practitioner also has a test that she gave me to take home- so maybe your's does as well and you can ask these questions in front of her- this maybe easier then getting her to agree to take him to see a doctor.
This is not just a "younger " ALZ thing, My FIL is 91 and MIL is 89. She obviously has some kind of dementia, but he is not willing to see this. My BIL and I see this, but Hubs is avoiding it also, and he lives here with my Dad who is around stage 6. She can be off the wall, but FIL seems to be afraid she will be "taken" if she gets a real diagnosis, he will not talk to their Dr about her behavior. At least she dosen't drive anymore.
Go to the Alzheimer website and get her some information to read. Tell his and her doctors that she's not getting it. Invite her to go with you to something informative or supportive about Alzheimers so YOU can learn more. Don't know how long she's known but give her some time to adjust. Get her some caregiver videos by Teepa Snow to watch, or tell about them on you tube. Get her the book The 36 Hour Day. Encourage her to think about "what if" he really does have a brain problem. What should we be doing for him and for you? Try some of those things, but don't overwhelm her with all the miserable future issues. Those will come.
My sister seems to be in denial. Yells at her husband for forgetting things, won't look beyond "today" and attend a support group and just watches her husband walk around the house and wonder why he's not doing anything. I just want to tell her to be kind, that the situation will get worse, to have patience with her husband of more than 30 years, but how do I tell her?
9 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
ADVERTISEMENT