Mom is showing early signs of Dementia. She told Council on aging not to talk to me. Doesn't remember. How can this be changed?

Such wonderful advice. Sometimes I'm so depressed about her it hurts. I think leaving her in the house, and putting in Gods hands, for now, is good. But the house has 80 year old wiring. And your right Jean, my Aunt was in nursing home, got out of bed 2 times at night, broke bones. Chicago 1954, I can't tell you how many times I've booked flights, got depressed,and had to cancel. How to repair my brother and I relationship? I've called 1/2 dozen times. Sent cards and letters. All of this is so appreciated. Thank you for your experiences, and time.

It sounds like your mother is in good hands, and when she gets to a point where it is no longer safe to live alone, there will be someone there to notice and help her to the next step.

I am sure that you love your mother and would like to be near her. And I am sorry that that does not seem to be feasible right now. Mother does not want to move. You have your own health issues to take care of and you need to stay where your doctor is. This is very, very sad, but it is what it is. Make friends with her nurse and contact her once a week or so, to keep tabs on how Mom is doing. Talk to Mom by phone. Of course Mom makes bad judgments sometimes. That is part of having dementia. She would continue to make bad judgments no matter where she lived or who was helping her. Be glad that there are people who keep an eye on her.

I also suggest re-establishing connections with your brother. He was doing what he could. If he is the only family there Mom needs him around, even if he isn't doing enough in your eyes. Alienating your brother (even if he deserved what you told him) was probably not a good move in helping your mother.

We tried a long move with my grandmother. (IL. to AZ.) It turned out to be a nightmare for her. The move was too great. It was across time zones, from the Midwest to the desert southwest, and the climates were SO different. Within 24 hours, she was unrecognizable. She thought her son was trying to poison her, etc. She had to be flown back to IL. at great cost to her and placed in a nursing home, where she got great care.

It is possible, all that you would hear from her is "I want to go home." It is tough, I know. I am 1500 miles from my own mother, but she gets great care and is at least in the town that she grew up in.

In Ohio they help the Elderly more than most states. She has a Nurse that really likes her, that checks on her,a housekeeper, that does her shopping.A neighbor on each side that help her. A device that hangs around her neck to call for help. She uses bad judgement at times. And has 4 manipulations she pulls to get her way. Change the subject,temper,I don't feel good, or cry.i pick my battles. Compare her Mothering to what she has to do now. Eating, bathing so,on. I want her HERE. I love her.

I think that you and your brother are in over your heads. A 90 year old woman with dementia should not be living alone. You need to focus your attention on taking care of yourself. Brother isn't physically able to do some of the things that need to be done now.

Get professionals involved. Others here may have specific suggestions for how to do that. I think one thing you could do would be to call the Adult Protection Services agency in her county. Explain that you are very concerned about her and cannot take care of her directly, and ask for them to go in and check on her welfare.