How do other caregivers do it...when the family, sons, daughters play a negative role in what you do for parents?

Exactly, Shaking: the critical thing for non caregiving children to grasp is what good quality care should and does actually cost. And good, caring, committed professional caregivers are worth their weight in gold to any child who wants their parent to be safe and properly looked after.

I need to get rid of this memory: my brothers sucking their teeth when they heard what the weekly charges were for a couple of respite places we wanted to look at for my mother. I just looked one in the eye and said: "what did you think it would cost?" Now the reason I felt sick at heart over it is that, although the charge was high, yes, it wasn't that much more than either of them - give or take a bit - spent on their own households, let alone their vacations. So what was the big rip-off they were so anxious about, eh?

Professional care is not something you want to economise on. But Kaydeb you're wise to be alert to exploitation, too, and thank you for the guideline.

Oh, one major one, my CNA or NAR, (same thing), it is not much of a course, and I apologize to those that are CNA's I have the most respect for you. My course was just very basic, and not that hard, basic care giving 101. But, I did want to add that I do have my CNA, and am in the process of going into an online Healthcare Management Course. "Life is a journey, not a race"

Thank you all for the nice comments. This has always been a very good chat room to really say what is on your mind, and honesty is what the reality is when you get feedback. I do appreciate it. To Jeanne . . . yes, my husband is worldly smart as in people and educational 4.0 in psychology…. I have known that, and he is capable truly capable of "not letting things get to him", I wish and I am learning, that I could be and I will be with time, that way. I of course as a care giver, have "more emotion" and that is what typically makes care givers what they are. If that makes sense I hope so. My husband is solidly a black and white person. This is the way it is. But, he is in no way always right or wrong, he just has his beliefs, and is very very good at many of these types of situations. It is always very interesting to look at the world, including your own spouse, and look at their qualities, and say, wow, this is what makes the world go around. But, my husband is my true best friend besides. He is my biggest supporter for me quitting my banking career, when my mother fell ill to Alzheimer's and going into professional caregiving independently. Amazingly, I have a list about 10 clients long waiting to get in to my schedule. I feel honored, but what I claim to do, and it is what I have done for 8 years, is one by one, step by step. I have been very successful at this, however with that success, I have had to carve 3 days out for a weekend, every 4th month, otherwise, I will not have a day pff. It is not for everyone, but I have had the corporate life, and I am at a point in my life, where I have the maturity where the elderly people will like me, and not think of me as a teenager, and treat me as their equal, which has been quite true. Regardless. I dove into this, with very little except two college degrees in unrelated fields, but it has been interesting, just saying "two college degrees" is all people hear, and they think "educated" and "committed", which actually has some common sense to it. Since I started however, I have completed about 70 hours of actual shadowing and training in Geriatric Sections of Hospitals where there is Alzheimer's, wound care, strokes, Parkinson's, lou Gehrig's, and it is all about being informed. Being informed can get you a long way in a new career that you took upon yourself because your mother, who meant and means the world to me, is now still my mother, with unfortunately no filters, and no memory, or the memory is very off, and back in 1926, when she was born. Thank you all for allowing me to type tonight. D.

It would be interesting to hear open discussion with those less than grateful children on why they do or not do what they do, and why they think or not think what they think.

I have much to learn before I can get the sense of being a good care giver to mom, though I do a fair share indirectly, which is where my strengths are.

For yourself, I know it takes a special kind of person to be a care giver, and that it makes a world of a difference to those who get good care. I hope you can continue your calling and shut out the unfair and unnecessary distraction of those who are more interested in themselves than others. Keep up the great work!

The squabble over possible future inheritance is unfortunately not rare.

Listen to what your husband is saying. He sounds smart. Do you really care what selfish nitwits think of you? And they are not thinking of you, you know -- they are only thinking of the money going out of "their" pot of gold. So while your care of your friend is definitely personal, their attacks on you are not -- they are just about money. I guess that is what people mean if they tell you not to take it personally.

On that note, I sent this before I was able to make my spelling errors, so, even those that have not checked things and have gone to college are not perfect. So sorry.

Thank you to all the other care givers out there for reading through that, and realizing that at times, this is a very hard emotional job.

The best to all . . . .