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Ebhlyn Asked June 2014

My Dad has early dementia, he wants to move into his own apartment so he can have a "girlfriend" visit. What do we do?

Father has early dementia and confuses his medications, he doesn't eat more than sandwiches and sulks in his room if we don't agree with his choice of girlfriend. His "girl friend" is a well known hooker. we have had contact with the police a couple of times but now he wants to spend the weekends' with her in 'her hotel'.

Someone has convinced him to get a one bedroom apartment which he anounced today that he will be moving into on Aug. 1/14.. H

jeannegibbs Jun 2014
Can he afford that apartment? Can he make his own sandwiches? Can he shop for the bread and fillings? Can he dress himself and perform the basic activities of daily living?

A person with dementia, even mild dementia, should not be living alone. But if he is not incompetent in the legal sense I don't think you can stop him from trying. I hope the lease is not very long-term!

Begin his independence now. Stop waiting on him in any way. No laundry, no bedding changes, no sandwich making -- let him practice being on his own. Tell him you disagree with his choices but that you respect his right to make them. (That in itself might take some of the fun out of this adventure.) If he wants to move and can arrange it all on his own, including the physical moving of his furniture, etc., well, you wish him well.

Be prepared to take him back in when the fun wears off or his dementia worsens. Love him. But realize you can't control his life.

Maybe long before August he'll some to his senses. We can only hope.

Keep in touch here. Others can learn from your experiences, good and bad.

pamstegma Jun 2014
No weekends with his call girl, the stress would kill him. Maybe that's what he wants, to go out in a blaze of glory, but it's not practical. She is probably looking for more revenue, since weekends cost more than house calls. So you have to let her know that there is more risk than revenue in her plans.

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