What happens in a nursing home when my FIL keeps insisting that he wants to go home?

Christine as others have pointed out staff are used to dealing with demented patients and if they should find him too difficult to handle which is doubful he could be transfered to a locked facility and medicated if necessary. They both should be on Medicare and if they have no money.probably Medicaid too especially for the NH You and Charles can not be held responsible for paying their bills. In our area Catholic Charities will help with those types of applications. Would MILwant to go with him? She would probably be approved as she can't take care of herself alone and you don't have to. if she preferes to stay with you and that is OK with you that's no problem. Many old couples do share a room in nursing homes.

Have you applied for Medicaid for him? You might want to think about this, about talking to an elder care attorney. You and your poor MIL! It sounds like it's time to think about having professionals look after him.

Oh thank you. I lost it tonight, this is so hard I just started crying. And he does have late stage dementia. He has been okay the past week or so, sort of present, but tonight he went into having a fit about being held against his will and where did I put his car keys. Too much today after a busy crazy day at work, Then he couldn't get out of the chair, it looked like he couldn't remember what to do? And his legs started bouncing...I half carried him and got him to bed. I should not be doing that, he is only about 100 lbs but still it is dead weight and too much for me to lift. Just a hard night...and I keep thinking that maybe it is time for a NH, although I am not sure how to accomplish that, they have no $ for it. MIL lives here too, but she is a little better than he is. She is exhausted from trying to care for him and keep his condition a secret for the past few years. So mostly she sleeps and leaves him to me and Charles. I can't blame her for that, but I am already exhausted and it has only been over a month.

Ah well, a fine whine, need some cheese.
Thanks for listening
Christine

They won't ask for you to remove him unless he actually tries to wander off the premises or hits someone in a snit of rage. Wanting to go home can mean many things, most often they want to go 30yrs into the past.

Christine, it sounds like your fil has dementia? The wonderful thing about the staff at nursing homes is that they have training and the get to go home after an 8 hour shift. Being aggressive (hitting other residents snd staff) can het you kicked out of a nh.

Actually, people who are not related, work 8-hour shifts and then live their own lives, have days off and take vacations, and are trained/experienced in dealing with dementia and other cognitive issues typically can take this kind of thing in stride better than many family caregivers.