My Dad will not bathe, clean, go outside, or anything! Any advice?

That was my first thought - about the purple feet. Poor circulation. My mom, several times had her hands and feet turn dark purple. Then black. It was gross looking (as in unusual.) At the time, I didn't understand that it was her body shutting down. All those times, we called 911, took her to the ER, got her hooked up in IV, and was released after several days in the hospital.

Just to protect yourself, I'd call around, get their names, dates, and what was said when you explained the situation. I knew my dad had pneumonia. But he refused to go to the clinic/ER. I was stressing because I didn't want him to die here at home. I called the clinic, the APS, went down in person to an elder law attorney and then his medical insurance. In the end, they all told me that if he doesn't want to live, and he doesn't want to go the clinic, then there's nothing I can do. I just have to accept his wishes. Pshaw!! Until he dies, and then I get arrested for elderly abuse. So, my advice is to call everyone, get their names, date, time you spoke to them. And keep it in a safe and quick access if you need it. Proof that you tried to get help for him. I wish you well on overcoming these particular problems.

FYI, if he doesn't clean himself or change clothes, one doesn't know if he has sores in his body. If he has sores, this can fester, become infected, and then die from it. When my mom spent a month at the hospital, they didn't change her pamper as often as I did. when she came home, her back and private areas were super red. She flinched just having water touching it. So, if your dad's wearing soiled clothes, I would think he has rashes on him.

Dementia is not fatal. No one dies from dementia. They die because of other causes, usually connected with aging and loss of function but not from dementia.

When my Mom was in her 90s and I visited her, I fed her trifle, tripe, and whatever else she wanted. She wasn't going to live forever but she did enjoy feeding her sweet tooth.

I pity anyone that is cared for by those afraid to let the elderly have a bit of what they fancy.

Wait till you get old and see how your wants and needs are catered for. I do hope they let you have a bit of what you fancy. Life in old age can be bad enough without some tyrant preventing you from having a doughnut when you feel like one.

Old people like fun things too. Treats are not reserved for the young.

I have eaten NH food, and it might not be up to Gordon Ramsey';s standard, but it is prepared according to dietary standards determined by professionally qualified dieticians and as far as I know it hasn't proved fatal yet.

Go on. Spoil us oldies while you still can. We won't last forever, you know.

I missed this message when it came out. The lack of hygiene could be related to the purple feet. I was glad to see DRBLESSED gave some good advice here. Purple feet to me say there is little or no circulation and is a medical emergency. To ignore purple feet would be neglectful. Chances are that a person is not bathing because they can't feel their feet and are afraid of falling. They don't want to tell anyone because they are afraid of losing their independence. Sometimes we have to do the telling. If my mother had purple feet, we would go to the ER right away. If she wouldn't go, I would let APS know.

my aunt is dying from dementia . she aint gonna eat that g-d prison food at the NH but fortunately they dont care -- she is dying -- have a donut -- have a dozen cookies , its all the same end result -- death from dementia ..

i agree with caregiver99. the person i disagree with is quiltinrealtor .
your attitude with me would get you 2 black eyes and i mean simultaniously . thats how a pissed off 4 year old rolls .. what a condescending attitude . im sorry for your unfortunate patients ..

OP - if he will not/does not go out, then from where is he getting the junk food?

Short of taking a stick and beating the old fellow into submission, as long as he is happy why not leave well enough alone?

I so agree! We had the shower confrontation every time until I got hospice to help and Dad just let them bathe him without any problems!

I agree with the above, many do better with a stranger to assist than with family. Check with your local Area Agency on Aging or Bureau of Senior Services to see what services they offer. Usually they can offer personal care and chore services, they can also make a light meal while they are there. I know how difficult it is and with depression and/or dementia that comes with Parkinson's disease your job is more difficult. Be there to support him where you can, don't 'nag' because that can make things worse, let your father know you are concerned and are there for him. He has a right to make decisions even if you disagree, until the time comes that he is not longer able to. Good Luck.

I moved in w/my mother 2 years ago. She has dementia. Dr. diagnosed her w/Alz. She has never been a nice person and is less so now. She hasn't showered in over a year. I am not physically capable of of assisting. For awhile, her Dr. ordered an aide to come 1x week to give her a sponge bath in the tiny bathroom, but then it stopped. She is totally incontinent of urine and now has numerous bowel accidents everywhere. I had her place painted, totally cleaned, etc. before I moved in and had to have them come back and rip out the carpet in her 2 rooms as they could not be cleaned by anyone. She refuses to allow me in her room to check her laundry, hides her soiled diapers in her closet or under the bathroom sink. And this is a 2-story apt. so difficult for me to keep hauling these things up/down, etc. I have decided I have to have a serious talk w/her Dr. Don't wait, call, do what you can to obtain assistance for hygiene matters and proper diet as well as a medical assessment of his general health. Take good care.

Ps I forgot to tell you the APS told me that it was smart that I called cause I would have being charge if I hasn't reported they are serious now day about taking care of ADULTS. You did say you could get him to do anything other than what he wanted right

Most elderly people do better with a stranger(home healthcare agency) coming in to bathe them. I found this to be true with my parents and my in-laws. They could also give him a meal while they're there. They are more willing to eat when fed by a caretaker. It also gives them someone to talk to besides family members.

Really leave him alone, avoid nagging. This always causes problems, they aren't that dirty, they don't sweat like the younger age. If he is depressed or having memory problems you can try st. john's wart. But they like to be in closed homes and doing whatever it is they are doing...obviously he is managing though family. However a poor diet is not good, supplement with a vitamin and tell him that the dr. said! Worst comes to worst you can involve the county and report him if it is that serious for self neglect. I would not want them in my life...next would be to call a home care agency or his old friends or even strangers do better than family sometimes, Sounds strange but they sometimes think you have alternative motives. If he is competent he can do what ever he wants! There are a few doctors that do make house calls or nurse practitioners. Have protein drink avail and small portions like half a sandwich in the frig. when they see too much food it is a turn off, then they eat nothing. A visitor or stranger is always treated better as they have to put up a front...
an old experienced geriatric nurse practitioner...yes a nice geriatric exam center would be nice to see if hydrocephalus, dementia, or just pain stubbornness is the situation. If they have lived this long doing what he has been doing who are we to change him if he is content. Sorry I know you must love him and want him around, but he at this point is the person making the calls. Think about a living will, and advance directives. Guardianship of person and finances.

It sound like He a hard case and could very well get you in to trouble with the Adult Protective Services if found in that condition. My mother was refusing not to do what seem to be the right things cause she was being stubborn I didn't want to go to jail so I called APS myself because I wasn't going to be charge with wrong doing. You have to protect your self and let them get involved before it looks bad on you. Then they will talk to him and let him know that he has to do certain things or he could develop infections that could kill or harm him. He want to have to leave his house so he will do what needs to be done. Just let them know what going own and they will work with you and help you.

My own mother has dementia but is very cooperative. I just took away her keys, started driving her where she needs to go, throw her in the shower every other day, and she is fine. I also work as a CNA on call. If you go in with the attitude that this is what you are going to do, a lot of patients will let you do it. I find most of the elderly hate getting in the shower on their own due to a fall in the past. A bed bath might be the answer. I would say, "Ok time for the nursing home if you won't let us help you." Maybe that would cause him to listen. You have to treat them like they are 2 because that is where their mind is. I give them all an age. My mom is 2. She is the center of the universe and doesn't mind ordering you around!

I'm not sure...but can you not call a state health agency or seniors advocate and have them do a health check visit?

If it is serious enough they may be able to at least get him into a Dr or have one come and visit.

In Colorado they have a place called the Seniors Hub in my area, or you could check with Alzheimer's association if you suspect dementia...which is quite possible.

With my mom we suspected depression for years, then we came to find out that she had Alzheimer's and frontal lobe dementia.

It would seem to me that if he has Parkinson's he would be required to have regular Dr's visits, plus the purple feet maybe be a sign of issues due to diabetes if he is carbing out with the sugar.

Maybe take pictures of his situation and his feet to send to a health organization or his Dr and explain what is happening and you need advise for intervention.

I experience deep depression at times and it is possible that he is in a seriously deep depression, but even then he needs medical attention if it's last this long and is causing health concerns.

Deep depression does alter a persons ability to make appropriate choices.

This is my opinion, but you really need to do what you feel is best.

Your dad seems to be suffering from depression, something you have already guessed. His personal hygiene is not the most essential concern, but the colour of his feet is.

Depending on his health insurance [time for an American NHS!], you might be able to have a nurse visit him at home and assess his immediate health needs.

That would be a first step that you could initiate. The sooner the better.
Not all 'junk' food is actually 'junjk,' but do talk to your bnropther about a balanced diet for your dad.

You don't say how old your Father is, but respect his wishes as much as possible whilst taking care that his self-neglect [frequently due to depression of despair] is not bringing his health down any faster then Parkinson's does.

Make Dad comfortable and happy. Do not be hypercritical, do not display your anger, frustration, etc. He needs kind words and consolation for what life has taken from him.

Caregiver 99 - former psychiatric, medical, and surgical nurse, now caregiver for my aging AKA wide 78.

I'm not sure that he really is capable of choices? My mom won't do much of anything, but when we got the home health aide, she does whatever she is told to do. I suppose different people react differently, but if someone comes in, she is much more compliant than if I ask her to do something.

My Mom is just at the start of undiagnosed dementia. This was our first sign. Daily hygiene is non exsistent. Just before I read this I tried to convince Her to shower because my brother is coming over. I secretly video tapped the whole conversation so brother sees what I am up against. I have no answers yet. And it's very frustrating. I tried everything. In the past 6 weeks she has showered once and washed her hair in sink once (in 8 weeks)
Any ideas!?!

My brother will bring the junk food to him. Every night when I cook, I have my son bring food over to him.

Try to remember your Dad is making his own choices, and he needs to live with the consequences of those choices. You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do.

Sadly the only way for him to get medical care is if he falls or something else happens where you need to call 911 and he goes to the hospital.

You mentioned all he eats is junk food.... how does he get that food? Does he drive himself to the grocery or do you get his groceries for him?