Mother-in-law refusing meds at Assisted Living. Any advice?

I think it's all mental & meanness, although she is slipping a bit. We don't know how much of that is age-related, and how much might be due to what's happened over the past year. When we started researching narcissistic personality disorder, my husband said: "Well, this explains a lot about my upbringing!" It was a relief to him to finally know that it wasn't him, it was her.

Glad to hear this, Jellybean (the part about you and husband being on the same page). Has she been diagnosed with Dementia, or is she JUST mentally ill?

Hubby and I are solidly together on this issue, and we have POA and Healthcare POA. We have an agreement that I handle paperwork, (bill paying, insurance, and info gathering), and drop off toiletries and mail once at week at the facility (usually when she is at dinner.) His part of the deal is that he has to visit her personally for at least an hour once a week. I've got the better part of the deal! We will not allow her to pick out her nursing home, though, if it comes to that; she will end up wherever there is room if she gets kicked out of AL. No worries about her moving in with us; even if there were room, he knows quite well that if she were moved in, I would move out.... and he knows I mean it.

Where is your husband in this? DO NOT move in with her or let her move in with you. Bad behavior like this is better managed by professionals.

If mom keeps refusing her meds at the AL, she might find herself in a nursing home. Non compliant with meds could get her a notice to move. Don't make her problems yours. Tell her if she gets bounced out of the AL, you will help her pick out a nice NH. Pleeeeeeeeeeese don't move her in with you. Everything you wrote will be times 10.