My Mom just wants to give up and die, it has been 3 years since we lost dad. What to do?

My Mom was paranoid after my Dad passed. He made most the decisions. But it was difficult to handle. She had dreams of him sending God to get her. Mom is in Assisted Living for $60,000 per year. She has been there for 10 months. The meal fee is $800.00 per month and she will not get out of bed to eat, once in awhile diner but it's sad but also a waste of money.She does not respond to antidepressants at all. The Doctor put her on memory medication and it is worst.I took care of Mom for 8 years, when Dad was alive it was not half as bad. She knows she can get away with sleeping all day. I had been taking care of her after Dad passed 12/2011 24/7. But I can tell you I am healthier and have more energy since She went into Assisted Living, she can sleep but I do not have to get upset, cry seeing her in bed all day and not wanting to do anything including showering. There has been times where she goes to an activity there, sometimes they are more needy with their daughter's , they are child like. So I think your Mom may benefit from Assisted living and you my dear, maybe able to support her with a Happier feeling not seeing her decline and feeling helpless....I Love my Mom more then myself.

Thanks , and yes her reg. doc prescibed that for her in fact we will see him today, and yes she is very limited cant get around barely gets up out of bed, or her chair, she does not want to be around no one, I was even going to take her to the park but she always comes up with excuses, she does not even want to shower she has not showered since my dad died

First, bear in mind that anti-depressants take 6-8 weeks to kick in. Second, alleviate the loneliness by getting her involved with people her own age. For example, Emeritus at Brookhurst has a ton of activities and would welcome her for a visit, maybe even lunch. We got mom a one month stay at half off for a trial run and she loved Emeritus at Bassett Park (Williamsville NY).
This is not a nursing home, it is Assisted Living. Some of these facilities are like going on a cruise: day trips, activities, good food, meds managed. And we can visit mom any time night or day. The problem is, she is never in her room, she is always out socializing.

Start by calling her doctor. She may need more than one antidepressant, or a different one. If it's her regular doc who is prescribing, consider having her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. Does she have physical limitations that cause her to need caregiving everyday? If not (and this may sound harsh, sorry) maybe you and your neice should stop doing quite so much for her.

Consider taking her to lunch at an assisted living comunity so she can see first hand what "homes" are like these days.