I care for my husband with dementia, he won't take a bath or let me help him and I am fearful for my safety when I try. Advice?

I took steps to get home help for my husband today. I feel better taking that step. its hard for me to ask for help. this has been a 7 year process to get to this point. My friends and family and doctor have told me its time to take the next step...I just haven't been willing until now. Thanks for all the GREAT support and best wishes. Hope your journey will be blessed as you have blessed me.

The Social Worker from that place will also give you advice and help you figure out what to do with the combativeness. Free. of charge. You can call your States Department of Aged and get advice as well.

First off, I am so sorry you and your husband are going through this, I am sure you stressed beyond measure. Medicare Will pay for someone to come out and bathe him, it will not cost any money, You can even call Medicare and ask them the rules on this. But, we did this for my mom and dad, either one of them could bathe, So, in your area there are mobile aids that are bonded etc...that is what they do, they have nurses and even a doctor. For example here in Austin Texas the company we chose was called Homecare Demensions. They came out to the house, evaluated my Dad and Mom, and their evaluation proved that they cannot bathe them selves. They are signed up three weeks at a time, Then they are evaluated again and again and again, always passing the evaluation, because simply put, they cannot and are not able to do it them selves, due to not being safe etc... Medicare pays it all. I did this for my Parents for two years, same company.. They even have occupational therapy, physicl therapy, even a doctor that comes to your home, also they have aids that come and do dishes, or light house cleaning depedning on the need, they are evaluated every three weeks. they even have social workers. If you want to ask me any thing else about it feel free.

Try portraying that it is your husband's idea to take a shower. Someone in the first stages of dementia still wants to be in control. Promote independence as well. Check out "Teepa Snow" on Youtube. She is a Occupational Therapist that has over 30 years experience with Alzheimer's & Dementia. She demonstrates on what they can DO rather than what they cannot. Wonderful program if you a little spare time. Hope this helps!

My next door neighbor went through the exact same thing. He was a very gentle man until the ALZ. set in. He pushed her away, as if he didn't understand why she was trying to change him, etc. He did get aggressive with the board and care she put him in. Very sad...

Thank you for the encouragement and suggestions. I have not used outside help but I do think its time.

You are very wise to want to protect yourself. If you had a good relationship with your husband up to now, I'm sure you realize that his aggression is not his "real" self wanting to hurt you. It is the dementia that drives him to it. But you would be just as injured if he pushed you down. Don't put yourself in harm's way!

Pam's suggestion to bring in outside help is good. Sometimes a dementia patient will be more cooperative with a "professional" who comes in to help with a shower or bath.

Contact the Choctaw Nation Clinic nearest to you and ask for help. Service to the elders includes help at your home.