We are caring for our 94 year old mother and were unprepared for the additional effort on our part to keep her spirits up and avoid stressful situations that seem to agitate her. We would hope that we are setting a good example of loving care, but feel that if we had a discussion with mom in advance of her aging health needs we would have had a better understanding of what she would want before we are faced with making decisions for her.
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Years later when it was just me and my dad he assured me that when the time came I would have everything I needed. I know he believed this, he didn't purposely deceive me, but when the time came he was woefully unprepared which made life very, very difficult for us. Plus, I was angry at myself for not asking him to go through everything with me but since he said he had it covered I didn't give it a second thought.
Now I tell my friends who have aging parents to get proof of their arrangements, desires, and wishes. Sit down with their parent(s) and have this unpleasant talk because I don't want them to go through what we went through during an already stressful time. Not when things can be discussed and ironed out before hand.
You'll get through it. I discovered if I didn't know the answer to something I could always find someone who did. Do the best you can for your mom, think about what she might have wanted, pass along your experience to others. And make sure that you sit down with your kids and tell them what your wishes are. It's never too early. Every time something crosses my mind I make sure to tell my daughter and I'm only 45. And I'm getting ready to begin writing things down for her for when the time comes. I don't want her going through what I went through with my mom and dad.
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