Parents just moved in with me and my husband. How can I assist my parents?

Here's a list of VA nursing homes in the US:

http://www.longtermcarelink.net/ref_state_veterans_va_nursing_homes.htm#VA_Nursing_Homes. There are 6 in PA and 3 in VA.

If you do consider any of these, check them out first as some aren't as good as others.

You could call the ones in VA or PA directly and ask them if they have couples arrangements.

Toomuch is correct, ALF's often take in couples, for example one here is $2500 a month and $1000 a month for the spouse, plus the level of care costs. So look around. A good facility will give you a tour, a free lunch, and they will spend time evaluating their needs. They will connect you to a benefits consultant (free). Make sure they have a nurse on 24/7, activities and outings. Talk to residents, too.

In the meantime, take steps to make your home safe and functional - shower mats, no clutter, night lights, easily accessible items in the cabinets, remove/hide all medications, etc.

My 90-year-old relative, who was a veteran, was told he could not go into a VA nursing home because they are only for veterans with SERVICE-RELATED disabilities -- simply becoming elderly (and all the issues that go with it) wasn't enough. So you need to get in touch with the VA -- I assume he has had a VA social worker assigned to him -- and find out what's what. I don't know if spouses are eligiblew for VA nursing homes (even if he is) so that's another question for you to ask.

If they are not eligible, start looking for nursing homes, hopefully one where they can both go. One that accepts medicaid as they will undoubtedly have to go on medicaid to pay for the nursing home. [The nursing home can help you with that.] Their income and any assets will have to go to medicaid.

You could consult an eldercare lawyer or some agencies. Hopefully people here will have even more concrete advice.

I know this is a heartbreaking situation, but caring for two elderly parents, one with dementia, is probably more than most people can handle. If they do stay with you, at least check and see what kind of help you could get in regards to home health aides and visiting nurses -- sometimes medicare will pay for this.

They are eligible for $2,058 a month from VA aid & attendance. HOWEVER:
There are important special issues that must be addressed BEFORE applying regarding income and assets /age, & property. (The VA cannot give Financial Advice).
Assistance with the VA benefit must be from a knowledgeable VA accredited source He assisted living may know of one, but cannot assist itself, in the application

Powers of Attorney are important While it is doubtful; if they have ANT TYPE current life insurance policies with a Face value of $50,000, or more, it could be converted into a LTC payment, I do that for folks in Georgia.

Many Assisted Living Communities accept couples. I believe there is a second person fee. Some communities will help you with the Aid and Attendance Benefits paperwork,

Check in with your Area Agency on Aging, as they can tell you what is available from your state in terms of benefits and programs.

Check out the veteran programs (aide and attendance and the national and/or state run veteran homes in your state or their state). The one program aide and attendance will provide a veteran with care in the home and a monthly income so they can remain out of a NH. However, if dad is 99 years old you may need to consider a placement to a veterans home and I do have friends whose parents both entered a state run veterans home in NJ. It worked out well for both parents. God love your dad attempting to care for his wife 14 years his junior but with dementia. He must be a remarkable man.
I would get in home health aides at your place as I doubt if you and your husband can care for 2 such seniors if you are still working full time. If you are retired it will still be a tall order.

You stated they have limited care, but make sure they don't have an elder care policy or have exhausted the benefits for such a policy. These types of policies can really help the family to afford in home care but they tend to have a certain number of total 'visits" (approx. 3 to 4 years). Given your father's advanced age he may have used them up already either for himself or his wife.

I would get a POA and advanced directive so you can help with their care should they be in hospital etc. You need their medical records sent to their new doctors in VA. While you have them, try to get a doctor for each who will take calls overnight / weekends because things tend to come up quickly with their health and you need to be able to get advice on how to help them.
Good Luck.

Scallop - I understand you are asking about Veterans Nursing home, and sorry I don't know on that. But my mother 83 with Alzheimer's moved in with me from PA to MD about a year ago. If this is something that continues, please let me know, as I would have some tips. I found there were several things I need to do for their safety and security, but two tips I used colored duct tape on the stairs (alternating colors - in my case neon pink and green) to help her see the stairs, as well as motion sensor lights in the staircase and hallways. I also have a flashing light on the bathroom door, as she forgets where the bathroom is. Those helped a lot in adjusting day-to-day.