Myself, my husband, and my 20 year old daughter live with my mom who is 80 years old. She is on dialysis three days a week, has severe arthritis, and a whole host of other medical problems. We moved in to get her house ready to sell 10 years ago, but she had health problems and we ended up staying in order to care for her. We live rent free, however, we provide all her transportation to dialysis, doctor appointments, do all her shopping, her laundry, pay for food, medicine, tv, cellphones, gas, etc. She essentially has in home private duty care 24/7.
I have two siblings that live close. They barely help but LOVE to throw it in my face that we live here rent free any time I remind them that I need help. They basically say it's all on us since we live here. I don't have to live here, but it must make them feel better to think that I do.
The issue I have is my brother, who I do not get along very well with, is the executor of her estate. I am the POA for health care and my sister is, well my sister. She seems to be cozying up to him lately, too. I am worried because my brother could essentially put me and my family on the street the same day my mom passes, and I wouldn't put that past him.
I am looking for advice on how I can protect myself and my family in case this does happen. My mom is not well, but I will continue to care for her as long as she is here. I work full time and have FMLA. I have missed a lot of work over the years caring for her, I have given up family vacations, quit working on my masters, etc. because of caregiver demands. And, that's o.k. it's my job. But, I do very much worry about the level of greed my siblings will unleash once she is gone. It isn't fair, that we have given up our lives the past ten years while they go on an just live their lives, then throwing all that in my face when ever they feel those pangs of guilt.
Should I look into hiring my own attorney? I hate to do that, but the way my brother and sister act, I think I need to do something. They're both so ridiculous and in their eyes, it's "my job" because I live here "rent free." I've paid that, ten fold, and as my mom ages and needs more care, I need more help. Thanks.
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Around here, it's room and board free (granted it's only for the caregiver), a day off and approx. $1200-$1500 a week salary. That's just for basic non-medical, impersonal companion. I've just been checking around, because like you, all siblings are waiting for whatever $ is left after mom passes to be divided equally (she doesn't have much, but they don't know). They don't want to help at all, and never did, so they don't even understand what goes into care giving.
It looks to me as though your siblings should just GIVE you the house for the time and care that you are giving your mom. My DH paid for his brothers new car when he couldn't pitch in due to distance, and his brother was stuck just "managing" the accounting part of my MIL.
Tell them that you will pay rent, but will charge for services like if your mom had a HHA come for the week. Basically, take approx. $6400 (HHA salary for a month) and deduct that from rent. See who comes out ahead. I think they will owe YOU.
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The deliberate denial of respite for you is just plain vindictive. Your siblings need legal limits set and set firmly, and they need some kind of education on the value of the services you are performing. If they are less compassionate than the state Medicaid would be, that's beyond sad. This is probably not much more than pure human greed for $$$ they think they are supposed to inherit taking over where their moral compass and conscience are supposed to be.
I am in my mums house BUT my family would never do this to me as bad as they are also they would need me here to sort the house out as they are abroad but dont think i havnt thought about this as you never know how people can turn?
Get your mum to have a clause in her will that you stay there until you can move out when house is sold!
Im always shocked on here as to how low some family can go and this is the lowest ive heard. Blood is thicker than water BUT boils quicker!
hugs to you as this just isnt right i hope you sort this sooner rather than too later!
I think it would help matters if adult children realized that, unless their parents have an estate worth multiple millions, mom and dad's care is going to eat up all savings.
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