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Maine127 Asked July 2014

How do you get over wishing that this person you are left to care for was no longer in the picture?

And I hate even saying such a thing but we have reached this point and cannot get passed it. MIL has always been difficult to deal with but since she has moved it with us it has gotten 100 times worse if that is even possible. She was in an auto accident (and not the first one) which initiated the move in the first place and now since no one will help her to get another car she is down right nasty to everyone. We honestly do not feel that she is safe to drive and want no parts of providing her with another car. We tried speaking to her primary care Dr. about her driving but she sees nothing wrong with her as she puts it "so she is a little reckless". She cannot afford assisted living or to be on her own so that left us since we are her only family but am now thinking this was the biggest mistake we could have ever made. We have teenages still living a home and they too feel like they are being punished. I am not sure what the next step is but I think we need to act now before it spins anymore out of control. Thanks for letting me vent.............

rovana Jul 2014
How was she living before the accident? That must of cost something - you are not able to find a subsidized senior apartment ?? Group home??

Maine127 Jul 2014
Thanks for the responses and I love the idea of independent living facility but will have to check into this as the only ones I am aware of around our area are assisted living and none of them except any kind of insurance so she would have to pay out of pocket and there is no way she could ever afford anything like that which is why she is with us int he first place. I just cannot imagine going on like this unless she would change and that is definetely not going to happen unfortunately :(

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pamstegma Jul 2014
Move her into subsidized senior apartments ASAP

JessieBelle Jul 2014
Many seniors that cannot afford assisted living can afford independent living (IL) in a senior complex. I don't know where you live, but some areas have safe senior communities with government-subsidized rent. These communities provide services such as transportation to the store or doctor. They are ideal for a retiree living on a fixed income. It would be great if you had some of these IL facilities around you.

GardenArtist Jul 2014
Should have added that assuming she does qualify, it's also time to look for an institutional placement. She's fortunate you took her in; you don't need to tolerate this behavior.

GardenArtist Jul 2014
Time to move from wishing to action and find out if she qualifies for Medicaid before she ruins your family life.

freqflyer Jul 2014
Your house, your rules. If MIL doesn't like it, she can live elsewhere. Stand your ground. Have hubby stand his ground, too.

By the way, if MIL wants another car, she has to buy it herself and pay for the higher car insurance rates. She might not even be able to get car insurance.

But on the other side of the coin, that would mean you and your husband will need to drive her everywhere, and that won't be picnic, either.

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