The caregiver I just learned sneaks out at night. Should I fire her?

No such thing as 24/7 anymore, federal laws require 8 hrs of relief each night.
On the other hand someone who is prowling the streets at 2AM has a drug problem. Fire her. But forget a 24/7 employee, it's against the law.

Did you try to talk with her to get her back on track again? Some people need to be reminded every time.

Good response Ladylee, I was thinking that!

I cannot imagine ever, leaving my spot when I am caring for someone at night. Geesh, I don't even take a break, because there usually is a huge reason that someone needs watching at night. These are the Hospice or people that want me to stay up all night long.

Regardless, even if your client is sleeping, it is plain unacceptable. I have written to Sooz, and think she is doing ok, she I believe is looking for another care giver, and is getting (I hope) a lot of advice from people here.

We need to stick together.

OMG? can she not be done for abuse? leaving an elderly on her own like that? this is so scary! i hope you got her from an agency? fire her a** then put posters of her all over america "do not hire this woman".

Check everything to make sure she is not stealing. lock the house up with no warning. Meet her outside to terminate her. This sounds like Drug seeking behavior. Make sure your Mom is getting her meds and that the caregiver is not taking them.

Look at the news from a few weeks ago where "hired" nanny decided she didnt want to watch kid anymore and thought she deserved to stay in the house. Oh what fun...That is one thing an agency is supposed to help prevent-situations like that-and I guess that is why they are allowed to charge so much, they deal with all the personalities and legalities..

Sooz, you did the right thing. I hope you understand what I was talking about with the post. I know you are under ALOT of stress, you will be fine. I know that sounds so easy to type, but it will get better. What about the churches, or Salvation Army for Emergency Services, or Department of Social Health Services? Just trying to think of someone for immediate use.

The school or college student would work if you needed them at night, then you would find someone for the two hours in the am, and could do that for a cheaper amount.

I just thought of another thing: If you see that this caregiver takes off again in the middle of the night, call her on her cell phone & ask her where in the he** she is. If she doesn't answer, leave a message.

You could also be like a parent waiting for their teenager to get home: Sit in the living room, in the dark, & when she walks in the door, turn the light on & ask her where she was. If she tried to give you some excuse, ask her why she didn't call you & ask if she could leave instead of just walking out & leaving your mother by herself, which is the exact reason why you hired her in the first place----so your mother wouldn't be alone at night!!!

Be careful with this. Make sure you have the warnings formally documented & signed by you & the caregiver, clearly stating the "you've got 3 chances" part. If you outright fire her without giving warnings, you could find yourself sued by her because none of the incidences were documented. Plus---if she files for unemployment (this is, if she is working legitimately & not off the books), you have nothing to dispute the claim.

If you really want this person out, then you have to make adjustments to your own life too. The doctor's appointments may be necessary, but meetings with lawyers & bankers can be postponed. Your mother is the priority right now, don't you agree?

If you can't find another caregiver for what you're willing to pay that will stay with her 24/7, then you're going to have to put her in a long term care facility so she can be supervised & not wander during the night----you have no other choice.

I don't know how hard you have tried to get financial help but try again. When I first started approaching social services, VA, Medicaid etc. they all told me my dad made too much money to get any kind of help. If she goes to the hospital for any reason try to get social services involved. Tell the truth about your mom's situation. I found that if I caused enough trouble they would listen. Admit you need help, don't take no for an answer.

I think she should leave, but you should know...you get what you pay for. That she has "days" off is not a plus and, to me, smacks of a complete User. Those are slave hours; she's working from 5pm to ??? and when is she suppose to sleep? I know I may sound hard, and you are between a rock and a hard place, you need additional help but slavery is not the way to go.

I don't know if the caregiver has left your property yet but it would be a wise idea , if she has not, to get a police escort to get her out and off the property. You do not know how she will take the firing. Just a thought.

Congratulations! Firing her was difficult for you, but it was the right thing to do. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.

Let her go. There are way to many people with loving hearts out there that are honest & I would suggest that you go through a nursing agency for help & get some one besides a sitter to stay with mom...You really don't have to put up with this & I just pray that your mom has not had things stolen from her too.
Let this person go at once.

She's irresponsible and deceptive by leaving your house, and not letting you know in advance is she has an emergency, etc. Fire her NOW and get a reliable replacement with good references.

OMG.....get rid of this disturbed caretaker woman. She is putting your mother's life at risk - can't you see this? If your mother is at the point where she is confused and has become incontinent, she either needs 24/7 home care or needs to be placed in a facility. In the meantime, call an agency and get a more reliable caretaker.

Bottom line is she abandoned my mother. So many "What Ifs" and nothing really happened - except she lost my trust and how can I entrust my mother';s care to someone I don't trust? I fired her. Fired her for breaking her agreement. She got time off too so it wasn't like she was working, working, working. It's a tough one but I was up front with her, she said she could do it (I thought she'd done it before too - and no, I didn't get her from the Internet) as she worked for a friend of mine taking care of his mother (3 - 4 stage Alzheimers) but yes, perhaps it's time for mom to see another home. God, it's going to just break my heart.

No one can work all 3 shifts or even 2 back to back shifts caring for an elderly person, no matter how young they are..... a student might sound like a good idea but most college students have a full schedule of classes during the day and will need their evenings to study and get a full night sleep.

You might get a student to jump at the chance but they will be burnt out after a few weeks, then you will be back to square one.

I agree with ba8alou, maybe it is time for your Mother to be in an assistant care facility. If something would happen to you, then what?

Use the time with attorneys to discuss mother's issues? WTF else do we discuss as well as "mother's issues" being the reason we got the attorney in the first place! Sheez. I'm not from the backwoods, nor am I unaware of ALL the issues brought forth in the "extra" [snide} remarks. I do appreciate the heads-up however on establishing residency. And KayDeb had some good points about hiring a student... now that I can work with. I am worn out, exhausted but will find some way to replace this lady. I'll do it today cause you all are right about having her take care of my mom, yeah, trust is an absolute and without it what do you have....I'm not going to cut off my nose to spite my face however. I'm going to find someone though... I'm really at a loss on what to do about "days off". How do I pay for it plus having a 24/7 caregiver position? I hv an ad running splitting the $1,500 in half for 3.5 days for 2 separate caregivers. It would work but finding the right people who could do a 3 day a week live in gig is not easy, $750 for 3 days work is really low pay.

You actually have to ask that question?

You fire her.

Kaydeb deserves a Darwin!

Equillot, good point. OP, check with your local post office to make sure she didn't change her address to your mother's. If so, contact the police for advice, as you may need to institute eviction procedures.

At least that's the way it works in Michigan. Someone can change his/her address with the Michigan Secretary of State, w/o permission from the person who owns the property. It happened to my father.

Ba8alou, wouldn't you think that at sometime these people would figure out their tactics? Or maybe they're dumber than we realize. Maybe that's why - they're too stupid to get a job.

Once they're there a month, they can be considered a tenant and can be very hard to get out of your house. Get her out now, before she reaches that magic 30 day marker.

Yup, GA.

"I just don't have the time right now to do a change."

Make time. TODAY. RIGHT NOW. Appointments can be rescheduled; if they're more important than addressing this issue, then acknowledge it but don't pretend to be upset and irate and then present an excuse for not acting.

You've given her 2 excuses; don't vascillate with any more just because you've got appointments. If they're more important than your mother's care, then you need to rethink your whole caregiving role.

At-will employment should have been established when you hired her. If you gave her any inclination that her employment would be with you for a while, for any length of time, or represented anything other than that her employment could be terminated at will, you can't invoke it now in firing her.

Did you do a background check on her? If not, why not?

Ba8alou is right; get professional help and start working on Medicaid qualification today.

And for crying out loud don't hire someone from an Internet site.

Hello soon…. ok… YOU DON'T HAVE THE TIME NOW….. this sounds hard, but we are here to assist you. I DON't THINK YOU HAVE AN OPTION.

1. What State do you live in.
2. I have some ideas. $1,500 per month for a student that includes room and board sounds really great. It sounds like she works the hours that are at night. Studen'ts have an abidance of energy, and possibly if you found a nursing student, or go to the college and see if there is anyone wanting to get something put on their resume for the next 6 month's. I know many adult children that would jump at this. I will review back to see if you did put any sort of (nursing student to be, or aide would be perfect). When typing here, I can see and feel, you sound exhausted.

Let me see what else. Facility, correct. What about a 2 week respite stay at an skilled or adult living facility. If I new what state you lived in that would help, because I would pop on the internet. I might email you and ask you some more.

Also, like I said, you DO have the tiME. I am sorry for your ailments. BUt APS Adult Protective Service would remove her from the home if you stated that, and that is NOT a StrESS YOU NEED, I can feel.

SHE cannot afford agencies. You can hire a individual, which is where I do all my marketing, and yes, there are good candidates, and not qualified, and you set up an account, put your zip code in and write what you need. You would be amazed at what you get. I am sorry for your health, this is a matter of finding any family friends acquainted.

People know people, regardless of where you live. You need to write one thing, go around to all of your senior care and health care agencies ask them for permission "That diagnosis allow;

I will email you from your personal email page, and now, regardless, it is public information, and you have no choice. The sooner the better.

I don't understand why you didn't just fire her on the spot and kick her as• with her stuff to the curb. Rearrange your schedule to deal with the immediate situation. Then rethink your entire care plan and adjust as needed.

Countrymouse is right. You have a caregiver with whom you now have a beef. Not a good situation. Rearrange your calendar and find someone else who can be depended upon.

I think it's weird that the caregiver goes out at night. What is she doing?

Fire her! What you are doing can get you into a whole lot of trouble with the IRS and APS. It is illegal to hire someone under the table (caregiving) and you being responsible for your mother's safety and wellfare if something happens to your mother for being left alone. Use those meetings with the attorneys to discuss your mother's issues.

Your mother needs to be in a facility. Not at home with a homeless mentally ill person taking care of her. Get her now and get her qualified for Medicaid.