Sad this is!...
How can nurcing homes do this to people and still sleep at nite? I placed my Aunt into a nurcing home because, I was told by APS that she can no longer live at home alone. At home she wasn't taking her meds correct and prone of falling with dementia on top of that.Her dementia is very bad.She's in the nurcing home as we speak but,yet she thinks she is at home in her bedroom.Many times I go to see her she realizes shes not at home and demands me to take her home.She asks me for her car keys all the time.The sad thing is the nurcing home soon will be seeking her house car.Soon she will not have a home to go home to as well as a car to drive.What makes this very sad for me is,She doesn't have a clue that I as her DPOA is forced to sell her home and car for the nurcing home to take.Not only that,A assement of her belongings in her home must be sold as all remaining assets.I don't understand why a elderly person must be broke as forced to spend down all their money in order to apply for Medicaid.I know the reason why I'm just stating it's sad to see this happen.My Aunt is not being told that her home and everything she owns soon will be sold.I'm her POA.I'm forced by the nurcing home to sell her home and other assets.Why do I have to sell her assets?Why can't the nurcing home do this.Why do I as her POA have to be the bad person selling all her stuff.I'm affraid to look my Aunt in the eye from being forced by the nurcing home to sell her assets.While the nurcing home doesn't tell her a thing about what is really going on.Do I tell my Aunt about all of this?Many I know will tell me no don't tell my Aunt.But,if it was me in her shoes I sure would want to know what is going on.Any advice?
The nurcing home already took over $50,000 within a 6 month time frame.That was her retirement or life savings.Now they want her home and car.Greedy they are I will say.More and then some.When Medicaid kicks in after all of this the nurcing home sure won't be getting that type of pay and their sucking from her now.I don't see how this is proper?
9 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Do not upset Auntie by sharing all this turmoil with her. She is never going to drive. She is never going back to her home. Telling her might make you feel more "honest" but this isn't about you. Do what it takes to give her the least emotional pain.
ADVERTISEMENT
I'm always amazed that people think Medicaid should pay all the bills while a patient in a skilled care facility should be able to keep any and all money they have. You sound very bitter about the NH ( "greedy" "get their claws into the funds" "nosy." Medicaid in our state (Illinois) is 5 to 6 months behind in payments to hospitals, supportive livings and nursing homes. They have bills to pay too. Health care is spiraling out of control. But it is what it is.
Step up to the plate. You can do this. I'm sure you want the best care for your aunt.
Let me say this,
I was never asked to be a DPOA.I was appointed DPOA because,there was no other to do this job.The Aunt's dementia was getting worse.The attorney felt she needed a DPOA and thats how I became the DPOA.There's no manual or instruction that comes with a POA.The attorney told me that when my Aunt is down to $4,000 in the bank.That's when we start selling the home.The nurcing home takes $9,000 per month from her bank.So,$50,000 to a nurcing home is penny change .The nurcing home is very nosy.They want to know everything she has as all assets.Very greedy they are I will say.The nurcing home wants me to get her house up for sale so they get their claws into the funds.Because,that's more then what Medicaid pays.The nurcing home told me when it's time they will apply for Medicaid for my Aunt.Let the nurcing home do it that's why they get paid the big bucks.No reason to be rude with your drama.
Why do you feel it necessary to upset your gram by telling her you're having to sell everything she has to continue taking care of her? You say she has dementia. So, again, why would you tell her??
I'm amazed that, as her power of attorney, you're so naive. One has to wonder why you were chosen. The responsibilities of a power of attorney are daunting. It's a HUGE responsibility and takes a lot of work. The nursing home isn't going to sell your gram's home. They can't. Only you, as her power of attorney, can do that.
Talk to someone at the nursing home that knows what they're talking about. This person should be able to give you a clear and concise to-do list so you're aunt can continue receiving the care she needs. They should be putting you in touch with Medicaid and helping you with the paperwork.
My Aunt's funds is not gone yet.About another month or two the money in her savings account will be gone.I was told by the nurcing home to have a assement done of her belongings in her home so her home can be auctioned or for sale.I contacted the attorney for the assement but,yet to hear back from the attorney.
She's been in the nurcing home for about 6 months now.Do I keep paying the electric bill,gas bill,water bill ect to her home?The nurcing home told me just simply stop paying the bills on her home.Is this correct?Winter will be here soon.I guess if a pipe breaks isn't my problem is it?lol
But if she kept the home, who will maintain it? Pay the insurance and taxes? So selling it might make the most sense. But if there are things she needs (such as a better wheelchair or a wardrobe update) those can be purchased out of the proceeds before the rest is paid to the nursing home.
She is never going to drive that car again regardless of the NH or Medicaid rules. It doesn't seem likely she will ever return to her home. So in a sense they are already lost to her -- the dementia did that. It is Not Your Fault.
She saved money for her retirement. This is her retirement. Not what she wanted or what you wanted for her, but what the dementia forced. Not Your Fault. Not the nursing home's fault, either.
It is sad. It really is.