Should I be taking care of my Dad?

My childhood was very abusive & dysfunctional & I still have a lot of resentment that is directed at dad. I moved here to be with him almost 4 yrs ago & gave up a great single life (to be fair I was tired of the "rat race"). My mom died 6 yrs ago & dad just gave up. I would come to visit him fairly regularly & I could see he was just dying. He lived with his biological son, wife & 2girls. (I & 2sisters are adopted). I was appalled at my brother (they left him alone in the bsmt & altho their part of the house was clean & modern my dad's living conditions were below healthy levels & he also basically lived in a huge cat litter box. Brothers wife was telling everybody she was coming down regularly to clean-not. She also was a professional embezzler, getting fired from every job for stealing, yet dad would save her every time (paying restitution & the well-connected lawyers). She also directed her "skills" on my dad & succeeded in spending all his savings, life ins, & maxing out his credit cards, & selling whatever valuables she could get away with. Many horrific details too long to list. As I said family extremely dysfunctional & I had been ostracized by family until mom died who was my nightmare abuser incarnate. I say that 2 explain why I was just learning all these family secrets when I moved in with him. Yes my dad is an enabler & co-dependent. I moved in the bsmt with dad, kicked the cats out (they weren't his), tore up, scrubbed painted, laid down new carpeting & basically cleaned every inch of his bsmt apt. My sister-in-law (who claimed she came down regularly to clean) never helped me or actually even offered-labor help or $ help in buying the new carpet & stove but she was the first one there when I was sorting everything out & offered to take items to her church to be donated. When I found out she was an embezzler which really is her personal problem, but that she was also draining my dad dry, that was the last straw. I confronted everyone & was mass attacked by my brother & wife & dad, I understand people make mistakes & bad choices but when you continue those (in her case) criminal choices for over 50 yrs, an apology doesn't cut it unless u STOP. One of her acts was to embezzle $90k from her employer in 11 mos. this is all while earning her full time salary, having my brothers probly $80k yr salary, & my dad paying for most living expenses & property taxes & maintenance of house. Shortly before my mom died she convinced dad to put their names on the deed (even tho dad had pretty much paid off the house & paid for all the additions built on). This was only so she could take out 2nd & 3rd mortgages on the house my dad "built" & paid for. But she did have a bigger plan, I believe to cheat dad out of any house equity & take care of the huge debts she had amassed AGAIN & they filed ch 14(?) & I believe it was in retaliation against me for questioning her actions AND i was the only one who actually asked her where did ALL that $ go (nothing to show for it) Bthe house was lost anyway, this was days after dad moved in with me & he swore they told him nothing of what they planned). I had had enough & moved out & found a small house just big enough for me. I was finally starting to distress & become comfortable. At that point dad said he was coming to live with me. As a responsible daughter, how could I say no. (This was BEFORE he found out the house was gone.). But I find myself resenting this house is not big enough for both of us; when I was looking He refused to move with me & said he would die before he moved, after breaking many verbal promises to me; I'm slightly OCD & his lack of hygiene & cleanliness drive me crazy even to tears. He is clingy, self centered, but guises his manipulations thru martyrdom guilt & anger along with the usual senior declines. He is 85, I am 53. He treats me like a wife & is jealous of me dating anyone (he has gone to extreme measures to sabotage any relationships). I resent that I was extremely abused by my mother & he did nothing. He finally admitted 2yrs ago he knew. I resent I was sexually abused 3times & I told my parents & they labelled me a whore for the rest of my life (@12yo). This is just the tip of the iceberg but I'm running out of space. When I was 17 I was kicked out & neither me or later my children were allowed to have any contact with the family. I know now I never did anything wrong-it was my mothers mental illness but my dad never stopped her from hurting me or my sisters in fact he enabled her to continue & ensured she never got in trouble. He continued that with my brothers family. Yet I was a single mother of 2 crying myself to sleep for yrs because I had no family that I could just talk to. None of this matters anymore, I'm just trying 2explain these 50+ yrs of trauma I'm finally having to deal with living with dad & it's even harder because he's in denial & he is the way he is. He criticizes me constantly yet still praises my brother, even after losing his home. I've so much more to say but no room. But am I the right person to be here