I just had a major meltdown and yelled at my Mom who has general anxiety disorder. How do I avoid this?

While you were doing the baths - very conscientiously, I applaud you - did your mother experience any relief from the pain, actually? If not, I'd take her back to the gynaecologist and say "oi, mush, think again please." There are loads of preparation H equivalents that might help, should they turn out to be appropriate, surely?

I suppose it isn't anything daft such as her underpants not fitting her comfortably? Or one of those hidden pelvic fractures, where the 'seam' at the pubic mound separates? Oh crumbs, it could be anything; it can be very difficult to be specific about the various 'undercarriage' regions. For symptom relief you could try one of those 'lifesaver' cushions, with a firm seat ring and a hole in the middle - you used to see them in maternity wards, I imagine they're still pretty easy to find?

As for the yelling bit, my heart sinks for you; but since they don't hand out Pure Reason tablets with our Caregivers' badges I think we've all had our non-finest hours. Resolve not to do it again. What more can you do?

And the can't take it much longer? I will happily pray there will be better arrangements to be made before long, for all of us; but meanwhile here's a good rub between the shoulder blades for you. Big hug.

No advice on mom's pain, but for yours, just forgive yourself. I have a meltdown on a regular (daily?) basis. It's just about guaranteed to happen at least once in a while.

Sometimes prayer's all we've got, Linda.

I'd make one more trip to a gynecologist and see if the gynecologist can duplicate the pain. In other words, does it hurt somewhere when something is pressed? Ask the doctor if it's possible she could have an internal abscess in that area. The pain is exquisite. And speaking from experience? It can be missed.

In my case, it was missed by two emergency rooms over an 8-day period. I'm not exaggerating. Missed by TWO emergency room doctors at two different hospitals. I ended up on antibiotic IVs, had emergency surgery the next day, and a two-day hospitalization. Nothing to fool around with. The infection, a nasty one, had spread throughout my body.

Just for the record, they ALSO prescribed sitz baths. Idiots.

If the gynecologist can't find anything, ask for a CT scan . . . or WHATEVER. Pain is a horrible thing. She has no one to speak for her except you, and I have a suspicion that doctors all too often discount pain reports from the very elderly.

If they can't find anything, then get pain medication for her.

Don't blame yourself for losing it. We've all done it. Care giving is a highly (and I do mean HIGHLY) stressful undertaking.

Let's start with being glad we have this site to post our anxiety or stress we're experiencing :-)

Go back to the gyno, as Maggie says. Elderly women get sh××ty medical care an awful lot of the time, especially from male doctors. When we switched my mom to a female gyno, mom calmed down, she worried less and there were better suggestions about probity to counter recurring infections. And yes, insist on a CAT scan if this doesn't clear up.

Make an appointment for your Mom to see a geriatric doctor.... your Mom could have arthritis of the pelvic bone and tailbone area.... that is what my MIL has but taking over the counter pain pills for arthritis seems to help her [with her doctor's approval].

You BOTH need anxiety meds. Now go get some.

Start by forgiving yourself for loosing it. Will pray for you.

vegaslady, thanks for saying that. I have melt downs, too. I've learned to sympathize with myself. And I sympathize with Lindalouie. If others are like me, we live with stress that would make others run far away. It's remarkable that we don't melt down more often. If this is the first time you've yelled, Lindalouie, you are doing well. I hope that they can figure out what is wrong with your mother, but I know answers can be elusive when it comes to pain.

My mom fell outside our home, landed on her pelvic bone causing a hairline fracture. We were in the ER overnight and because they did not have any rooms she had to sit on a wheelchair for several hours with excruciating pain. They took x-rays but could not see why my mom was in so much pain. I can not remember all the tests but believe she had the CT scan and an MRI. One of the two showed the hairline fracture. It was sad to see her go through all that pain. She took over the counter pain relievers and was sent home to let it heal on its own. We did a followup with her Orthopedic and he also said it has to heal on its own and would take quite a bit of time to heal. We asked if any sort of exercises may help her in some way and she healed quickly.

Another thing I thought that may be causing pain could be vaginal dryness due to menopause. I know about the dryness because I have experienced this and let me tell you it is painful. It has only happened a few times for me but those few times were painful. I have not seen a doctor yet as I do not have insurance.

As for having gotten upset, I truly understand as I too have been there. It is good to talk to others about the emotional roller coaster and all we go through and let me tell you I have been enlightened. I am one of eleven children and seem to be the only one that feels and tries to understand my mom's recent bouts of illnesses. I have come to accept that I am the only one but I want to do it with kindness and compassion. I choose to not allow myself to get upset with family any more as I do not want to be a bitter person and do not want to get sick so that I can be there for mom.

God bless you for being there for your mom. You are a beautiful soul.