How do they live in such misery?

Well, back from the doctor. There were a few WBCs, but no other sign of a UTI. The doctor started her on Levaquin just in case an infection was coming on. I took advantage of her going by the pharmacy with me and got our flu shots. Got home and the morning was gone. Where does time go. I had to go to the grocery store, so treated myself to an Italian cream cake -- one of those cake bars. Yum. Now I think I can face the rest of the day.

Wishing you all the best Jesse :) ((((hugs)))) maybe they can give her a new anti depressant to try?? caregiving is hard enough without being around a sad depressed person all the time, it is CONTAGIOUS!!

Oo. Hope UC manages to find something treatable and she feels better. Let us know it goes?

Well, Mom and I will be off to urgent care this morning. She probably has a UTI. She gets them sometimes. She got up really early this morning and put a load of clothes on to wash. I commented that she must feel good, and she told me no, that she felt terrible. At least this time I think there is a reason.

CM, I worrry. If I've been listening to it so much for years now, will I soon get all depressed and joyless? Oh, wait! I think I'm already getting that way. It can sure weigh a person down living with Sad Sack.

Just a hug, Jessie.

I used to laugh with my friends about how our teenagers played Radiohead the whole time and then wondered why they were depressed. Waily waily life is terrible owww I'm so miserable oooooeeeowwwwww. Now I just wonder what on earth my mother can have been listening to in her impressionable years...

I have said the same thing over and over! I was just wondering today how I could bring some laughter and joy back into this home with so much conflict going on....If you figure it out please tell me how????? It is sad for every one to be so sad!

Please consider taking Mom to a senior center or day program where she can have the company of men and women (and give you a break). My cognitively impaired husband really enjoys the day program he now attends. It affects his mood in a positive way for hours before and after the time he spends there. Your local Agency on Aging may be able to help.

Oh Jessie,your wonderful, there is more to karma than being bad in a past life. You are being tested for greatness in a future life. You are passing with flying colors. Can you see your caregiving as a gift of love, that enhances and uplifts your life? Gratitude can change your attitude, and infect your mother, just as her bad mood is affecting you. I believe Buddha teaches selfless love as the highest attainment. You are there living it every day. You should start thinking what you want to be in the next life, because your actions in taking care of your Mom so devotedly and lovingly pretty much quarantees it.

((((((JessieBelle)))))

Jessie, I don't believe that at this point in time there is any reason for our moms to be told "now you going to see a geriatric psychiatrist". Back in the day, psychiatrists WERE who crazy people went to see, except now, we've figured out that they've got some tricks up their sleeves that the rest of us can benefit from. You could also say that it's a doctor for her sleeping problems or for her nervousness, if she insists. I can't tell you what a difference my mom being on the correct combination and dosage of these meds has been. Yes, she still gets scared when she's in the hospital and still worries that they've missed something important, but it's not the all day everyday dread that it used to be.

I just thought about one thing that picks her up. We go to church on Sunday and there is an elder gentleman that sits with us. She perks right up. It gets her in a good mood for the afternoon until she falls asleep. Then she wakes up miserable again.

Thank you, everyone. So much of the last five years has been trying to make life more bearable for Mom. Maggie, you are right. It is like carrying heavy weights all the time. I would like to spend more time with her. I'm always the eternal optimist, so try to keep her company. She wears me down in a few minutes time. A couple of days ago she surprised me. She was kind of up acting, but she was acting like a young child. I know it is the dementia, but it was disturbing. At least she was in an up mood for a few minutes.

She takes Celexa, but I haven't seen any good effect from the drug. I thought about asking the doctor if we could taper off. There doesn't seem to be any reason to continue it. Mom has generalized anxiety and takes Ativan. It makes her sleep. When she wakes up she is the most unhappy and disoriented.

There is such a deep core of misery that I know I'm not able to help. In her mind she is dying at every moment. I don't think she is near death unless something catastrophic happens. She eats like a horse and drinks plenty of fluids. Her blood work always looks fine.

I just read a post on here about going to a geriatric psychiatrist. My mother's doctor suggested it one time, which made her very upset. "I'm not crazy!" It may be exactly what she needs to do. She has dementia, but she doesn't have to be in absolute misery when it comes to her mood and nerves. It would be nice if I could get her to one. It might not be too bad for me, either!

Oh Jessie, such a sad post. I feel for your mom, who is feeling miserable, and I feel for you, because I believe that you, like most of us, believe we should be able to fix this stuff. No advice, just empathy.

" I mentioned to a nurse at the nursing home that my mother's roommate seemed very unhappy. "Yes," the experienced professional replied. "That is what she wants."
thats comical . my aunt edna is most happy when shes being defiant . its just who she is . she faked another pill the other day then showed it to the guy nurse as we walked out the door . i understand now . she isnt refusing meds , shes refusing to be pushed around . shes 90 , not 9 .. pretty shmucking smart too ..

i did one particular hepc treatment that beat the hell out of me . my muscles burned with fatigue and it felt like someone was pulling the marrow out of my bones . despite the physical sickness i was still having a pretty good time inside my head especially since i was mildly phsycotic .
i have a hard time seeing the joy in an ill oldtimers life too but many disabled people will tell you that they are twice the person they was when they were whole . i suspect an enhanced appreciation of the small comforts that the general public overlooks .

Jess? Is she on an anti depressant? If not you should speak to her Dr. about it. If she is, maybe a change is due.
I am blessed like Maggie. My Mom is still relatively happy with her little life. I keep her in stitches, she sees her 5 yr old grandson often, and can still read and loves too. She is on Celexa and Valium. Worth a shot.

Ah, Jessie, I don't believe in reincarnation or even karma. But if it were true, you must have been very terrible indeed. Or maybe it is just your mother's karma at work here, and you are just earning points for your next incarnation. But I just think you have a miserable mother, myself.

I mentioned to a nurse at the nursing home that my mother's roommate seemed very unhappy. "Yes," the experienced professional replied. "That is what she wants."

I am sorry that your mother is so miserable. Could it be her choice to be miserable? With you as her caregiver she certainly has the best shot at some happiness in spite of her infirmities. Could it be that she just doesn't want the opportunity?

You keep doing the best you can. You deserve to not be miserable.

Well, look at it this way . . . you're earning some reeeeally good karma. ;)

I'm very fortunate. As sick is mom is, and she is, she'll laugh, smile, and be generally (most of the time) in good spirits. It's tough enough THAT way.

I can't imagine what it would be like if she acted miserable all the time. It would be like carrying around heavy weights all day long.

I hope you can find bliss in something other than gratitude and fairly good humor. I always picture myself as that crabby old lady, though. What I do for mom? Well, I hope I have dementia so bad (like she does), I don't even think twice about it. Because otherwise? I'm your mom: miserable.

Try hard to be of good cheer. Care giving is a gift to yourself no matter how it's accepted. It's awfully hard to watch your body fall apart, I think. And to know....KNOW....that you're not ever going to feel great again. It HAS to be so depressing.

*hugs*