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SilverLining Asked September 2014

My Mom is the 24/7 caregiver for my Dad who is dealing with dementia. My Mom needs assistance. Where do I start?

My Mom knows she needs assistance so she is open to ideas for additional help. Someone needs to be with my Dad 24/7 now and my Mom needs an occasional break. We are wondering about if we should move dad into assisted living or not but where do we start? How do we pay for it? Will 1/2 go to Dad's living and my Mom get to retain 1/2 their income? Any information on where to start is greatly appreciated. THANK YOU.

Eyerishlass Sep 2014
If your dad requires 24/hour care he wouldn't be eligible for assisted living, he'd need a nursing home and you do not have to have a Dr.'s "prescription", note, or anything else to place your dad in a facility. You can do that on your own once you find one you like.

Not knowing what kind of assets your parents have or if they have a house or retirement funds or savings there's no way to say how your mom will pay for it. If your mom can't afford a nursing home she can spend down her assets (usually by hiring caregivers for the person, in this case your dad) so your dad will be eligible for Medicaid which will pay for the nursing home but that leaves your mom in a precarious position. It's not as simple as 1/2 of their money going towards a facility and your mom being able to keep 1/2. There's much, much more to it. I agree with ba8alou, consult an elder care attorney.

BarbBrooklyn Sep 2014
depending upon what your parents level of assets is, you might want to consult an elder care attorney in collaboration with deveoping a care plan

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pamstegma Sep 2014
You start with dad's MD. He is the one who makes recommendation for a nursing home or memory care. Then you search for the right facility. Go up to the Search Site box and type in their city and state. A lot of information pops up. A good facility will help you with a benefits consultant who can lead you through paperwork for VA or Medicaid. Go up to the Money and Legal tab and click on Paying for Care, more info there too.

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