I'm going to place my spouse in nursing home on Monday. Any suggestions?

xhausted, I remember back in late October you wrote that your hubby was being violent with you. You are doing the right thing to save YOUR LIFE. Otherwise, your hubby could live many more years, and your family would be without you.

I can understand your heart is breaking, he's not the same person you had married, and it's not his fault, it's that darn disease. Once he is in a nursing home, you can take a long deep breathe and be able to sleep at night.... then as ba8alou had said above, you can visit him and advocate for him to get the best of care.

Xhausted, let the state take over! You then get to visit, advocate without being the bad guy!

X, we right there with you today. Remember that and be strong. If someone tries to guilt you into taking him home, keep up the mantra, "I can't keep him safe and I can't keep ME safe. Please help me! "

I wonder if any of you who are so lonely would benefit from a cat and/or dog? The dog is great because you must walk it 2-3x each day, and you will meet lots of your neighbors. Also you could train & be certified as a therapy animal, and visit hospitals & senior facilities. Just a thought. I at times have no one to talk to except my dog.

it went ok as far as that goes. He was very angry at me as expected. I haven't been to see him sin ce social workers told me not to.I have called and they sound pretty positive- eating well-2 breakfasts this morning. I am tentative about going there but must soon . Really miss him- even all the anger!!!~ I never wanted to place him but found I couldn't handle it anymore.

My husband went into a care facility in early July, the guilt and pain has not left me yet, I have tried different things to break out of this funk by exercise, joining groups, taking little trips…but I always have to return to an empty house, no one wondering how my day went, no one there waiting for me….I visit him everyday or every other day for only an hour or so each time as it is hard to find things to talk about, sharing my outings with him makes him annoyed that I don't take him and talking about our house also makes him want me to bring him home…..so I try to avoid those topics. Placing him in a home does relieve you of the 24/7 responsibilities but leaves you with an emptiness that takes a lot of time and creativity to fill…..you are doing the right thing but be aware, the grieving feelings you will experience are normal and time is the great healer…..only how much we don't know…..hate this illness.

Thanks, Lovingwife, I expect the adjustment to be difficult and appreciate you sharing your personal experience. I am starting to have some of the same feelings. Yes, time will help.

xhausted, think of it this way, you both are now in a safer place.... you were one person trying to do the work of many different people. It will take time, then once you are in a routine of visiting hubby and being able to do things for yourself, you will realize what you did was so very right.

Xhausted, you couldn't handle it any more. I'm not saying that as some kind of cheer-leading, just to be supportive. I mean, objectively, how on earth could you possibly go on as you were? I can't believe that anyone with any common sense, let alone humanity, about them would think ill of you in any way for making that incredibly hard decision.

Please give yourself time to adjust, and to recover a little from the terrible stress you've been living with. I hope you'll soon begin to feel reassured that you have done the right thing - and his settling in well is a good start. Hugs to you.

Well done, xhausted. Amen to what glad said. Sometimes the right thing to do feels very uncomfortable, but you have to carry through anyway. This is a huge change for both if you and any change is difficult. My mother was very angry in the months before she was admitted to hospital and also afterwards. I stayed away as she wished. Not suggesting you do. She did not want to see anyone. Once she was on the right drug, she calmed down, her anger has dissipated largely, and now I can visit her peacefully. She is much happier than she has been in quite a few years.

You need to focus in yourself more now and rest in that your hubby is being well cared for and you both are out if danger. ((((((hugs)))))