Elder rage and abuse of carer. Any advice?

I wish I had known about Elder Rage before I, too, was being overwhelmed by it. There was nothing to be done, dad was raging against his dx, his life, his fear and Alzheimer always has this stage, I hear. That went of for 4 years. Dad gradually lost all his emotions and sits staring at the TV and saying "Thank you" for something but he is not sure what. Good luck. I am still getting e-mal from the sibs that don't help saying that I caused his rage, I drug him now...whatever. This is a rough job. I hope your friend will stop letting herself be in physical harm immediately, tho. Being harmed has to be a game changer in ANY relationship.

I lived this nightmare and wrote a book about it called Elder Rage, which would be helpful for her.

THEADORA...arrrgh!! Not a dumb question, but assuming that because you want to be a good daughter you should handle serious physical abuse without outside help is NOT a good idea. Maybe APS (adult protective service) is a better call than police - maybe there is an option to consult a comprehensive geriatric service - but most likely she needs someone to tell her that it is NOT NOT NOT a reasonable thing to do, NOT NOT NOT NOT what a "good daughter" should be expected to do, and ultimately not even the most loving thing to do to stick around for abuse that could escalate to potentially fatal levels. She's got it in her head that she has to accept this because they are her parents or she has no financial alternative and she may desperately need a friend like you that she can trust to tell her she does not and should not. The people beating her up are actually in desperate need of help and she cannot give it to them, particularly while they are beating her up. Please reach out to her and help her think her way out of this!

To get biblical about it for a moment, the requirement is to live at peace with others *as far as possible*...in this case it is not possible.

Tell me, what is so dumb about wanting to call the police? There is a crime in progress, doesn't matter if it her parents or not.

If your friend wants to remain a human punching bag then there isn't anything you or I or anyone else on this forum can do. She has to make that choice to remove herself from the house, and go to a woman's shelter. We would give the same advise if your friend had an abusive husband or boyfriend.

No, no, NOT a dumb question!!!! At all!. But she CAN'T take care of people who are beating her up. Don't know about Canada, but in the US, the police will help. Also, is there something like an Area Agency on Aging there? Adult Protective Services? these folks need more help than she can give her parents. She needs to get them do a doctor or an emergency room so that they can be given the right meds to bring their behavior back into the realm of reality.

Because she is trying to handle her parents on her own and be a good daughter.

My apologies for my obviously dumb question, I will try to find some help elsewhere.

Why doesn't she call the police since she is receiving bodily harm?