Emoji and jeannegibbs give the right advice. Carefully consider. If she needs help, she shouldn't be setting conditions...this is an early warning that she regards you as "hired help" in her home and she intends to call the shots and have final say.
Unless you really have a good relationship and truly want to,live together, don't do this and absolutely insist that the dog is part of the package.
Read through many of the topics here on this site and think long term of the care that will be required as she ages and you and husband age as well. Remember circumstances and health can change rapidly.
It all depends on what you want. Do you want the dog? Is it a beloved part of the family? Some people would give up the dog and some would never. Why does your mother in law not want the dog?
If she is like my mother, who would not let her granddaughters visit because they wanted to bring their two chi's, run like the wind. It would be just the beginning of her demands and conditions. If she has a legitimate reason for not wanting the dog, I would love to know what it is. I suspect she wants the help and wants to maintain control as well. Think long and hard about this.
i agree with the MIL . my sis and niece brought a dog to moms house . they intended to care for mom in her final months . when the ( in heat ) dog wasnt dragging herself on the carpet she was taking a break to dig at fleas or howling her guts out while we tried to conduct medical business , and forever jumping up on moms new bed . in a matter of days 50 acres around us were permeated with the stench of dog . my clothes , bedding , hair , everything reeking . i threw the filthy thing out of there . if the dog is more important than the possibly terminal care of an elder id say that speaks volumes about priorities right there . its just a sick subject with me right now . i just lived for months with my renters dogs ' stench and yapping and i nearly lost my mind over it . never again. lot of animal lovers on here . i respect your opinions but i dont have to alter mine for the purpose of fitting in .
We need to suggest to AgingCare.com to add "mother-in-law" and "father-in-law" to the list for when someone new signs up, as the only parent options are "mother" and "father".
cahill - a number of people here have posted about moving in with a parent or in law and the problems that followed. Please do not do anything quickly, or without deep consideration. That your mil has set the condition of no dog makes me wonder if she may set other conditions that do not suit you and your husband. The "no dog" would stop me right there. I fear it is just the beginning of conditions that suit her and not you.
What often happens is that the woman that moves in, in this case you the dil, becomes an unpaid servant, and develops great resentment for the stress under which she lives and the amount of work she has to do. Is your husband able to set very good boundaries with his mother? Does he value his relationship with you over that with his mother? Do you work and will you be able to keep working - for your own benefit and retirement provision? Do you realise that your mil will need more and more help and are you willing to provide that? Have you worked out on paper a financial arrangement with your mil? Will you be selling your own home to move in? Do you and your hub see this as an opportunity to save money on home expenses?
I was a little confused as your profile says you are looking after your mother - guess you mean your mil. I had digressed from the original question - my advice is the same as ff and Jessie.
The dog is part of your family. If you are going to move in, your dog should be welcome as a family member. Your mother is asking for your help. You will be giving up so much already. Why should you also give up your dog? I would tell her that you don't go anywhere without your dog.
Tell her, sorry but the dog is part of OUR family and where ever we go, the dog comes along. If mother-in-law still says no, then end of discussion, you just cannot move in with her. But you will see if you can find help that will come in during the day to help her.... it might be cheaper than uprooting your lives to move to her home. If she says no to that, well she made her choice. No one will be coming to help.
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Unless you really have a good relationship and truly want to,live together, don't do this and absolutely insist that the dog is part of the package.
Read through many of the topics here on this site and think long term of the care that will be required as she ages and you and husband age as well. Remember circumstances and health can change rapidly.
If she is like my mother, who would not let her granddaughters visit because they wanted to bring their two chi's, run like the wind. It would be just the beginning of her demands and conditions. If she has a legitimate reason for not wanting the dog, I would love to know what it is. I suspect she wants the help and wants to maintain control as well. Think long and hard about this.
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There are any of us out here who have beloved pets that we take just as good of care, which are not howling, or underfoot, or tearing up the house.
It starts with the dog. Then it's what you eat, where you go and who you are with. RUN!!
What often happens is that the woman that moves in, in this case you the dil, becomes an unpaid servant, and develops great resentment for the stress under which she lives and the amount of work she has to do. Is your husband able to set very good boundaries with his mother? Does he value his relationship with you over that with his mother? Do you work and will you be able to keep working - for your own benefit and retirement provision? Do you realise that your mil will need more and more help and are you willing to provide that? Have you worked out on paper a financial arrangement with your mil? Will you be selling your own home to move in? Do you and your hub see this as an opportunity to save money on home expenses?
I was a little confused as your profile says you are looking after your mother - guess you mean your mil. I had digressed from the original question - my advice is the same as ff and Jessie.