My husband is in denial that I have Frontotemporal Dementia. After years of my ability to perform my job going downhill, three neurologists, two psychiatrists, neuropsyh testing, blood work, MRIs, a PET scan, and a spinal tap (to rule out other causes); it is the most likely diagnosis but doctor is not 100% positive. PET scan showed some deterioration to frontal and temporal lobes of my brain but very minimal. I say lets be proactive and not wait until my function decreases more before getting involved in Clinical Trials, support groups, educational seminars, etc. This is very disheartening. His job is more important to him than being involved in my health. He did go with me to one appt with my specialist (neurologist in Rochester, NY who specializes in memory disorders) but won't go again unless guaranteed that there is some benefit/treatment for me. Divorce has been discussed and counseling briefly tried. I am overwhelmed by the prospect of divorce. I can't deal with that to be honest. We need to return to the marriage counselor but he won't. He has also split our finances after 34 years of marriage with combined finances. I am so freaked out.
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Thanks for the support you all bring tears to my eyes.
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And please do keep us posted. You have a wonderful (if virtual) support team here who will be there for you 24/7. Here's a big virtual {{{hug}}} for you. sorry I can't give it to you in person.
What doctor is managing your care and what does s/he recommend as a course of action?
Who has POA (hint-- if it's hubby, I would change it). I would seek the advice of an eldercare attorney before making any financial decisions.
It would be very hard for me not to be vindictive in your shoes and to run him through a legal wringer to milk every single penny out of every single fund, account, trust, asset, and the dish of pocket change due to you. I would probably be so consumed by anger I couldn't see straight.
I am so sorry. Nobody expects things to turn out this way when we promise for better or worse, in sickness and in health to one another.
Time is of the essence I guess, so you're going to have to decide how much emotional agony you're willing to put into this long term, versus putting energy into setting up your care arrangements and enjoying the good days now. Don't let this fool rob you of your good days. Go to court, get it over with, and move on. You do not have time for anybody who wants to jerk you around.
Please come back and keep us posted.
My sig other did that with me a few years ago when I had cancer... he was actually very angry at me, like I developed this illness just to annoy him. Turn out years later I realized he was afraid of losing me because he had lost his late wife to cancer, lost both his parents to cancer, and a sister when she was 24 to cancer. Was it fair how he was reacting to me, h*ll no, he knew he was in the wrong and has apologized... but I need ten thousands more apologies :P
Meanwhile, see a lawyer who specializes in Elder Law (even if you are not yet in that age bracket) and preferably one in a law firm that also have Family Law specialist.
I am so sorry about your diagnosis. I sincerely hope you have good support elsewhere in your life. You sound very proactive and practical in your approach. I wish you all the best.