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Moooksta66 Asked November 2014

Mom has bleeding episodes but won't go to a Doctor. Any ideas?

I live overseas from my parents and I have heard that my Mum has bleeding in the region of the breast. She is extremely stubborn and flies into a rage at the mention of a Doctor. My Dad can't get her to listen to reason nor can my siblings. I don't know what to do...it's possibly cancer but no one knows as she won't see a Doctor. Any ideas?

freqflyer Nov 2014
No wonder women are terrified of breast cancer, especially here in the States where there is such a huge emphasis on breasts.... that the thought of losing one or both is so overwhelming. And the feeling that one is less of a woman without them.

The only way of getting your Mum to the doctor is to make up some excuse the whole family will lose their health insurance if she doesn't have a physical once a year... new law, etc, or whatever you think would work.

Moooksta66 Nov 2014
Thanks everyone for your advice it has been very helpful.

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BarbBrooklyn Nov 2014
Does your mom come from a culture where cancer, especially breast cancer is still a taboo subject? Do you think your family could locate someone who has survived breast cancer to talk to her?

timbuktu Nov 2014
Your mom knows something is wrong and is afraid.The ignore it and it will go away plan.This is difficult behavior to deal with, she probably is afraid she is going to hear the words cancer and surgery.You didn't mention dementia, but even people without mental illness or dementia can act this way simply out of fear.Does she have anyone , a friend or family member that she seems to trust? Perhaps they could approach her? (I am an old retired nurse) I have seen to many times women that were terrified of cancer and having a breast removed wait until things had progressed beyond any possible treatment simply out of fear, not because they were mentally ill or had dementia,just afraid. Now if you have dementia or mental illness or both on top of fear then that is a BIG problem.I feel for you.You aren't even physically present to deal with this.Just keep up communication. Try to find a family member that seems to have a grasp on reality and try to come up with a plan. Keep us updated on how you are doing.

BarbBrooklyn Nov 2014
Call her up and tell her that she's too smart to do something so stupid as not getting this checked out. Tell her that you understand that she's scared, but not to compound it by acting stupidly. Be tough with her. This worked years ago with my mom. Pre dementia of course.

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