Can a consultant of Mum's tell me to move upstairs in cold to do crafting & also take the TV?

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Dragonfly1958 Asked November 2014

Can a consultant of Mum's tell me to move upstairs in cold to do crafting & also take the TV?

I have health problems too. My mum of 83 recently had accident which the ball joint fractured through the socket of r/pelvis the cup had slipped years ago on her hip replacement, walking limited accident happened on 19/9/14, came home after 3 weeks in hospital, only home a week when she made me ill had break down in docs surgery, he came to see her told her it's either hospital or care home, she went in hospital, been in 1 month, now being given my orders by her hospital consultant that I have to remove all my crafting items which are electrical & cost a fortune to save for, I have cared for mum for over 20 yrs, but here in UK that does not count for anything, & to add to this she going to have carers 4 times a day & has mental health issues, bed downstairs + a commode in a small living room where we eat are food at a small dining table.
I am so stressed, told persons are Docs they not happy, friend rang and they are trying to say I agreed to her coming home, yes if she could get upstairs not bed in living room. I know this sounds hard I will tell them If she comes home bed in living room etc even for 2 weeks we all know that Housing Associations are not going to move that fast now it just a month from Christmas. if the carer's want to look after her then that's going to included everything..Shopping feeding her, washing her( walk in shower is up stairs), NO washing machine to do her washing and they can cook/ clean the room as well, & I will not be getting up during the night to come downstairs for her to go to toilet etc
I have Severe Chronic Asthma, Diabetic, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis & balance & hard of hearing & other problems etc.. so if the cold kills me what she going to do then. she will end up in a nursing home, do I have grounds to use her POA for Health, already using POA for finances.. HELP HELP need urgently

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score 0 · Answer 1

Dragonfly, you have done so much. Are there stairs to get into the house? That was the deal breaker when L was released from hospital. I told physical therapists that he had to at least be able to climb one step, safely. He had been in the hospital a couple of weeks and not getting out of bed much, so very weak. What other obstacle is there in the home that makes it unsafe for her? Use it.

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score 0 · Answer 2

The house is share tenancy I have looked after her through thick and thin with various illnesses, I have had no social life do not drink, smoke or gamble, what ever mum has wanted I have got her and never asked her to pay for it so it so bad that all I asked was while noisy work when done that she be away from it, I think not

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score 2 · Answer 3

You " will not be getting up" to help her? And it is HER house? If you were my daughter, I would throw your axx to the curb, and set my bed in the living room, voila!! You have no idea how good you have it.

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score 0 · Answer 4

Hi, All
Doc useless, gave me sleeping tablets, he siding with hospital, I have done nothing
but be in floods of tears after meeting yesterday, everyone on mum's side, so asked
if mum could go in nursing home until a chair lift could be fitted then, they and mum
said no.
So today I have given them another alternative, she can come home with bed down
stairs in front room but I will not be doing anything at all for her, so they better think
about what happens when carer's go at 9 pm at night do not come back till the
next morning at 9.30 am,
As I will not be getting up in the middle of the night to her.. I know this sounds hard but
what do I have to do to get through to them !!I feel I can not cope anymore with her!!

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score 0 · Answer 5

Sounds like a good solution. I hope they are willing to work with you on this.

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score 2 · Answer 6

Glad the doctor said that. I hope you can find a good nursing facility for her.

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score 0 · Answer 7

Thank you all, my doctor has contacted me and is not happy with the hospital,she is going to be tell them if mum is unable to get around or do stairs etc then pressure should not be put on me to look after her down stairs and me upstairs in the cold even with care's coming in,
she told me even if she does come home with a stair lift fitted, with her mental state she will probably forget how to use it causing more problems..
Got meeting Wednesday(UK) with the hospital, been told to be adamant that her health
care mum needs now & future she should going into a nursing home for full 24 hr care..
because she is not going to improve can only get worse.
once again Thank You All.

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score 3 · Answer 8

Another option is to turn the heat on upstairs. After all, heat does rise. Upstairs usually stays warmer than downstairs if the heat is on.

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score 2 · Answer 9

You are both ill. One of you needs to move to Assisted Living. You decide which one.

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score 2 · Answer 10

Call up her doctor and the consultant and tell them that you are unable to care for her; she needs to go to a care hone. Them please get yourself help for your physical and mental health.

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score 3 · Answer 11

The stairs and the chairlift are *not* the issue here. The issue is that you even think that putting Mom upstairs where, in your words, it's cold and unpleasant.

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score 4 · Answer 12

You need to make the decision to put mom in a nursing home if you are unwilling to let her stay in the (warm) downstairs of the house. I will be completely honest with you, the fact that you even consider putting her in an area of the house that you would not willingly spend time in yourself is frightening.

Do the right thing for your mom and find a suitable nursing home for her immediately.

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score 0 · Answer 13

I have since been told my mum has mental health issues not saying what, and she also has short term memory problems too, I do not think it fair a consultant can tell me to go upstairs while mum has comfort downstairs, & winter starting with frosts,I feel if she is unable to do the stairs till the chair lift is fitted that also depends on Housing Association if the position is safe to fit one, then she should go in nursing home, we have joint Housing Association Tenancy agreement, so surely I should be able to have a say what goes on in the house we both have to live in it!! and what happens if the stair lift can not be fitted! they have not thought of that I don't suppose.

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score 3 · Answer 14

Your mother needs (and deserves) better care than what you are able to provide (no offense intended, just saying you do not appear in the best position to care for her). You need to call back the doctor that recommended a nursing home and put her there. She needs round-the-clock care and watching, and it does not appear that you are able to provide that. Do yourself and your mom a favor and make that move immediately.

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score 1 · Answer 15

I believe that you need to move to assisted living. Let mom figure out her own problems. The stress will kill you.

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score 3 · Answer 16

I'm confused. You don't want to be upstairs in the cold doing crafts, but you do want your mum there? I got lost on the way you wrote this. If you don't want to move your things and you don't want to provide any care, maybe it is time to consider a care home. Is it your house? or would you need to move? I couldn't sort out what you were saying, other than you were upset about having your mum downstairs and you upstairs.

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score 2 · Answer 17

Why didn't you choose a care home?

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Can a consultant of Mum's tell me to move upstairs in cold to do crafting & also take the TV?

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