How do I get Mom to shower or change clothes?

Know what you mean, Sunny. I gave up on the social aspects of bathing for my mother. She will bathe on Saturday night without prompting so we can go to church on Sunday. If I mention a bath at other times of the week and mention being around others, she'll say she doesn't care since she isn't going to see anyone anyway. That is why I changed to the personal health angle.

Oh, I forgot to add that I didn't have much luck with convincing my cousin to bath. I didn't know it was dementia, so I made very improper comments. I told her that if she didn't bath or wear a bra, people would think she was crazy. She told me she didn't care.

Refusing to bath was one of the first signs of dementia in my cousin. I couldn't figure it out. She would literally cry if I explained she had to bath before going to see a doctor. She would also resist brushing her teeth and wearing a bra. I thought she was being difficult or quirky, but it grew and the dementia eventually became very evident.

It may not be dementia with your mom, but I would just consider that as you help care for her.

Bribery can work. Say "mom if you shower in the morning, we'll go out for a nice lunch and drive". "Would you like me to come over early to give you a little help?".

You could also help her if she just doesn't have strength by saying "hey mom, I just learned something new from my friend, Susan...will you help me practice?" Then bring a big bath sheet that you've wet in warm water or hot out of the dryer and drape that over her in the shower for privacy...then gently wash one body part at a time, moving bath sheet to expose parts, then re-covering as you go along. Hair wash last. Have another dry bath sheet ready when she comes out.

Good luck.

I go over once a week to get my mom showered. It takes about 35 minutes to get her showered and in clean clothes and her hair set. She just doesn't have the initiative or energy to do it on her own. Before I'd started helping her, she'd say she would do it and just wouldn't. She'll be 95 next month.

I don't think she'd want anyone else helping her, as I had to fight to get her to allow aids to come in and give her the meds she takes daily. So personal weekly intervention is what has worked for my mom and me. Good luck, it's not easy for anyone.

Ask her doctor to order a bath aide. Sadly, this may signal the fact that she needs more assistance, ie Assisted Living.

I am beginning to understand that the loss of the desire to bathe is what elders do when they are nearing death. It happened with my father during his last 3 or 4 years. Now it is happening with my mother. My mother says it is because her skin is dry and that showering makes it worse. I do not think this is the honest answer, since she has showered religiously for years. I think it is more because she doesn't have the energy to want to do it anymore. So far I've been able to get her to bathe 2 or 3 times a week by mentioning that she doesn't want to get infection. We do know that keeping clean is important for women in preventing UTIs. I know there will come a time when this will no longer work.