When to divorce an abusive FTD male?

It doesn't sound like he is anywhere nearing placement at this point, just obnoxious, difficult and lacking empathy....typical bvFTD behavior. Another resource is the book A Dignified Life by Bell & Troxel. I just heard David Troxel speak last week and he was good and the approach is helpful, even with FTD people. Don't give up on the situation until you've given the methods of dealing with the behaviors a good try. It's not easy and I wonder myself where the line is between caregiving and domestic abuse, but remember you're dealing a disease and not the man you married. He's in there somewhere, but very hard to reach.

Moniquac, it sounds like you need to break free and to rebuild your life. You have been an angel to stay with him to help. Tell us a little more about your husband. If he is severely mentally or physically impaired now, he may qualify for a nursing facility. I believe in marriage, but not when it is ruining the quality of your life and perhaps putting you in danger. I would understand if you needed to get away from him.

About divorce -- I can think of two situations where it would be helpful. One would be if his situation was going to devastate your personal finances. The other would be if you wanted to build a new life with someone else. If staying married wouldn't be a problem, it may save you money to not go through a divorce.

I really don't have any good answers for you except that you don't have to tolerate the abuse. Even if the person with FTD is not really the person you married, it doesn't make the abuse any easier. It may be time to consider other options.

The conversation starts with his MD. Certainly you should not continue to be abused by him and you look into proper placement for him if medications don't help or he refuses to take them. Divorce won't really solve anything.

Unfortunately he sounds like he's unmedicated. SSRI antidepressants should help some. FTD is progressive and terminal, as you no doubt know. This stage won'tlast forever. Many spouses of behavioral variant FTDers stay married after they know what's causing the abusive behaviors. Even some of the couples that get divorced before diagnosis stay together or get back together with the helping spouse looking out for the FTD patient. Are you getting help with his behaviors from his doctors? I recommend several resources for you....a face to face or phone support group through AFTD, an excellent online support group specifically for FTD, called ftdsupportforum dot com. Try to read the third edition of "What If It's Not Alzheimer's?", edited by Lisa and Gary Radin. It just came out last month with the latest info on FTD. I know from personal experience exactly what you dealing with. Join the rest of us FTD caregivers on that support forum. We get it. Don't let anyone suggest "marital counseling" for you...that's not the problem. Hang in there.